My Time Dungeon Crawling Goes About as Well as I Expected
by With Death Comes More Death
Summary: Hachiman Hikigaya has found himself in quite the predicament. He's woken up in an entirely new world that looks to be straight out of a fantasy light novel! Being the genre-savvy light novel fan that he is, he knows what quite a bit on what to expect from being the protagonist of some light novel. That still probably won't help him get through any of it, though.
1. Chapter 1: Some Exposition Needed

Yo, wassup guys. It's With Death Comes More Death coming at you with the first chapter of a new story.

As you can see, it's an OreGairu and DanMachi crossover and before you say it, I know one of these already exists over on SpaceBattles. Hell, I myself am a huge fan of it. It's existence is actually why I made this here story. It gave me ideas and it took me this long for me to actually put those ideas down.

Why? Well, the story I'm talking about was still going on at the time and I didn't want to step on his toes. Also, I was pretty sure that being able to match his quality was impossible, so I decided to hold off on writing it.

What's changed? Well, the story I'm talking about ("My Trans-Dimensional, Overpowered Protagonist, Harem Comedy is Wrong as Expected" by Sage_of_Eyes) has kind of, sort of been discontinued for a good while now, so I decided that it was probably fine to try and write a little something of my own. So, I'm doing it.

Don't like it? Well…you can go fuck yourself. :)

…

Wow, I'm such a goddamn professional.

Anyway, enjoy this. As I actually want this to become a long-running series of mine instead of just a side project, I'm going to be going by a hard, one-month update deadline with a minimum of at least four-thousand words per chapter.

Am I going to regret the decision to give myself a deadline? Yeah, probably. I am in my senior year of high school with another whole story that I need to write for after all, but let's just see how things turn out before we start jumping to any conclusions.

 **-Mandatory Disclaimer-**

I don't own either of these series.

 **-Chapter 1: Unfortunately, Some Exposition is Needed-**

Recently, my life has changed quite a bit.

As of just a week ago, I was coming up on the end of my second year of high school, living a life that saw fluctuating amounts of change. It started out showing small amounts of change, then lots of it and then, the curve dipped back down suddenly as the year inched closer to its end. It was almost as if my life was the living embodiment of that curved-line almost every literature teacher uses to explain plot structure in novels to their students.

Beginning, rising action, climax, falling action and resolution. To me, it was almost as if my life was running exclusively by that formula.

Truth be told, I really didn't mind the fact that my life had suddenly plateaued like it did. All it did was confirm to me the fact that I wasn't living in some sort of RomCom series with me as the protagonist, which was something that I was actually thinking about considering to be the truth after everything that happened to me.

My life, at that time, had just become way too eventful, way too quickly. In the span of just a few months, I went from being a cynical loner with no friends and no desire to make them, to a cynical loner who did have friends and didn't mind having them for the most part.

…what?! I know that doesn't sound like much of a change for someone to make, but it was still a pretty significant shift in philosophies for someone as lazy as me to make! Seriously, you try to get an already self-aware slacker to change! I'll bet you everything I own that you won't be able to! It's like trying to maintain a decent life after waking up in the same world that also contains a giant sword wielding man named Guts. It just isn't ever going to happen. No matter how hard you try. So, you might as well go die in preparation. **[1]**

Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that my life had gotten so eventful, that my life was actually starting to feel like it was a RomCom. So, the sudden plateauing of any and all action told me that I was still indeed living within the realms of reality, and to even think something like that was possible was absolutely idiotic of me.

Yeah! Who cares that I was forced to change my very outlook on life by a group of multiple women, who may or may not have feelings for me, after I was forced to join a club that I had no intention of joining on my own fruition?! I can't find a single reason to think that my life has become some sort of light novel! My life is and never will be the basis of some sort of shitty light novel!

…or, at least, that's what I thought a week ago. It turns out that my life can indeed be the basis of some sort of shitty light novel.

How do I know? Well, that's because my life has most definitely become the basis of some sort of shitty light novel.

Remember that change I mentioned earlier? I was referring to exactly that. What tipped me off to the change?

Well, the fact that I went to bed one night and then proceeded to wake up in an entirely new, and definitely unfamiliar area, that looked to be ripped out of some western fantasy novel, but with a many scantily-clad, dark-skinned women roaming the streets was a pretty big tip off.

Seriously, I need to learn when to stop running my big, fat mouth sometimes. All that it seems to do at times is cause me trouble… At least, I didn't get punched and dragged into somesort of strange club this time.

"Mhm, Hachiman-kun…" muttered the being that was using my bare chest like it was some sort of body pillow, before she began rubbing her incredibly soft cheek into aforementioned part of my body, "…so warm."

Oh wait, that's exactly what happened…but a lot. Fucking. Worse. Fuck me and my big, fat mouth sometimes.

* * *

When I was a spry, young lad, who could still think optimistic and happy thoughts about the world, one could pretty much describe me as the prototypical example of something called the 'chunnibyou'.

During those happy, delusional days, I would fantasize about what exactly I would do if I were to suddenly wake up in another world. I'd wonder about the things I needed to do to try and get a solid footing in a world that was wholly familiar to me, and then what I would need to do to live an extremely successful life. Back in the day, I remember coming up with a whole plan that seemed one-hundred percent foolproof to my delusional, adolescent mind.

That plan, of course, got thrown in the garbage the moment I first opened my eyes and figured out what exactly happened to me. Ah, hours of thought and effort being thrown away, just like that. It really makes me feel as though I spent those earlier years well… Sarcasm being fully intended there.

Anyway, the moment I realized I was in a new world, my mind immediately defaulted to the one thing I knew to do in a situation like that: panic. I panicked pretty hard. Truth be told, I went into a full-blown panic attack for about an hour after I realized. What sucked even more was that it happened in a completely desolate alleyway, so no one came to help me. Overall, it just wasn't a fun experience for me.

After a while, when I finally managed to calm myself down, I didn't prove to be any more productive with my time. My emotions just overpowered my ability reasoning once again and I just sort of started wandering around the city that I now found myself in, wallowing in self-pity as I hopelessly gazed at the all of the medieval-style architecture that had a little bit of modern influence to it that stood around me.

Everyone and everything I knew about my old life was gone. Just like that. With no warning.

Being someone who's been teased and bullied near their entire life, I wasn't unfamiliar with the concept of being sad, but this time, it was completely different. What I was feeling at the time was real despair. The kind you only feel when a beloved one gets seriously injured or passes away.

The pit that gouged itself into my stomach felt like it was bottomless. Every part of my body felt numb. My mind wasn't really taking in any information on the world around me. I was really just a body floating in purgatory. Senseless and devoid of any emotion.

If it wasn't for the fact that I got accosted by a girl with silvery-blue hair and a simple, bright green maid's outfit, I'd probably still be at it. The moment I focused my gaze on to her, she flashed me an extremely luminescent smile-one that unnerved me greatly for some reason or another-and asked if I was okay. I was just about to give into my own paranoia and then her away when I realized the opportunity the girl before me presented.

She was an inhabitant of the unfamiliar world I now found myself in. The information she'd be able to give me was too valuable to turn her away. So, I did something that was totally out of my nature and put all my trust in a nice girl I didn't know at all. Truly, it was the one of the most desperate situations I've ever faced.

Best case scenario, I establish my first contact in this new world and probably find a place to sleep, if lucky. Worst case scenario, I wake up being in some sort of terrible, bondage-based male sex-trafficking ring.

Hm, looking back on it, I probably should've put more thought into that decision. That was way too close of a call right there! Also, what the hell kind of light novel did I end up in?! I seriously can't believe that might've actually been the first scene of this series! Just who in the hell is writing this book?!

Ebina? No, the fact that the first person I met was a cute girl and not some riajuu pretty boy is a testament to the fact she didn't write this.

Zaimokuza, then? No, that chunnibyou is nowhere near ballsy enough to even imply something like that in something he writes.

The both of them together?! Ah, no! That's too scary of a mental picture! Crap! Get out of my mind impure thoughts! Delete! Delete! Delete! **[2]**

…

What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, the girl that helped me.

After I told the girl that I didn't know where I was and needed some help, she brought me to a bar called the _Hostess of Fertility_. At first, I was hesitant to step inside a place with such a sketchy name, but I eventually pushed past it.

Upon first stepping inside of the bar, my nose was immediately met with the smell of really, really good food. That was when I realized my earlier inhibitions were probably misguided. It admittedly wasn't a subject I knew a lot about (then again, that's probably a good thing), but I seriously doubted that a brothel would waste time and effort trying to serve its patrons good food. I mean, really, that's not what the people coming to a brothel are looking to eat, y'knoooow~?

…heh.

Also, the fact there were plenty of women in the bar drinking, eating, and being generally loud and obnoxious alongside all of the men told me as much. It also told me that women here in this world were essentially equal to the men, which was relieving to say the least. The last thing I wanted to do was have to adjust to a world that was both technically and socially behind my own.

So, after the girl excitedly sat me down at the bar, we went through the basic introductions. Names were exchanged-it turned out her name was Syr Flova, by the way-and I got myself a decent amount of information on where I was.

Orario. That was the name of the city I now found myself in. It had the title of being the largest and busiest city in all of the world-a title that was bestowed upon it, because of its close proximity to the 'dungeon'. Actually, it happened to sit right on top of it, making it a world famous mecca as the Dungeon was the only place to abundantly get a material called 'monster crystals', which apparently was the main power source of this world.

Flova then proceeded to describe to me how 'monster crystals' were formed. People with literal blessings from the gods-who, at some point in the past, came down from paradise and bestowed upon the weak human race a way to get immense, god-like power-would head into the dungeon to fight the monsters from which 'monster crystals' received their namesake.

Oh, and it should be noted that the girl telling me all of this did indeed ask me how I wasn't able to recall such basic information, _before_ I got any sort of explanation from her. In reply, I, of course, lied through my teeth. Told her I really couldn't remember anything other than a vague concept of my own name and age. It was a pretty scummy thing to do. Actually, it was _just_ a scummy thing to do, nothing pretty about it, but it was a much better option than flat out telling her the truth.

Sorry Flova-san, but you're going to have to raise your social link with me, before you're able to learn such crucial things about me! I suggest you keep fighting though! Ganbare, Flova-chan~!

Still, my scumbaggery worked out. I got what I was aiming for without having to give up too much about myself, and also got a decent idea as to what I needed to do to get myself back home. Plus, I'm pretty sure that I managed to net this series quite a bit few fans by actively doing something shitty to get myself ahead.

Everyone loves an anti-hero, after all! All I need to do now is get myself a little sister to help justify all my actions and I'll be able to get away with committing genocide! Wait, I already have an younger sister to fit that mold! Sweet! Options! **[3]**

Nefarious thoughts on how to topple an entire government system aside (by that, I mean filed away for later use), I used the information Syr had given me to piece together my next course of action.

Being a proud and sometimes not so proud fan of the light novel genre, a goal popped into my mind pretty quickly. If I was ever going to get home, I needed to get myself to the end of the dungeon.

Why? Well, according to Flova, no one has ever actually gotten close to beating the dungeon, and that presented me with an impossible goal to try and achieve. Also, it seemed like a broad enough goal that I was pretty sure I would eventually come across an actual way of getting home along the way, if clearing the dungeon turned out to be a bust.

So, I decided then and there to become an adventurer and do what no man or woman has ever done, and BEAT THE DUNGEON! Ugh, that still makes me want to puke from disgust. Looks like it's going to be a while before I'm able to get rid of my slacker tendencies.

Then again, I guess I could've decided to give up and become a productive member of Oraio society. Getting a job and living out the rest of my days here in this world. Never to see my adorable imouto, a can of MAXX coffee, friends, parents or adorable imouto ever again. So, I guess the acceptance of such a lofty goal is a sign of progress for me.

After making that decision, I asked Flova-san if she knew how I could get a blessing from a god and before she was able to answer, a new voice did so for her.

Somehow, I completely managed to overlook the fact that a woman had been standing right next to me the whole time I listened to Flova-san speak. How? I don't know, but thankfully, I'm not someone who jumps very easily. So, my reaction to nearly having my heart cease beating in my chest was limited to an almost unnoticeable jump in my seat.

Despite my best efforts however, my reaction was still noticed by the two and promptly got called out for it. Flova-san did so with an airy giggle, but the then unknown woman slapped me across the face verbally… The bitch.

You aren't the only one who has the ability to blend in with a crowd! My people created the concept of ninjas! So, stop acting like you're so special!

Anyway, the bitch turned out to be a waitress at the _Hostess of Fertility_. Oh, and also an elf. A blonde elf. A blonde elf who didn't seem to particularly like me for whatever reason. Still, despite her blatant dislike of me, she answered my previous question. Doing so in a way that reminded me a lot of a certain ice queen from back in my world: clear, concise and filled with complete apathy for me.

Her entire answer could be summarized with: go find a god willing to give you a blessing and join their familia. I won't go into detail on what she said after all that. Mainly because she didn't say anything, but from the way she glared at me as I talked to Flova-san about finding a place to stay for the night, I could tell that she really wanted to say something, but was holding back for a reason completely beyond me. I would've asked her why, but thankfully, I decided to not be a masochistic idiot and just allowed her to continue glaring as me and Flova spoke.

To make a long story short, Flova managed to get me a room at the _Hostess of Fertility_ , for as long as it took me to find a deity to pledge myself to after making a deal with the owner of the bar-a dwarven woman that went by the name Mama Mia, who was apparently a pretty strong adventurer and also happened to be my sole contact's boss.

The agreement went like this: for as long as I lived under Mama's roof, I'd act as one of the staff, helping them clean the dining room and kitchen at the end of every day.

Of course, I agreed to the former adventurer's proposal. Mainly because I really wasn't in any position to decline it.

I, just like everyone else in the world, needed somewhere where with four connecting walls and a roof to sleep in at night. I was sure that I'd be able to find an empty building like that through some wandering, but I also wanted to sleep in a bed at night as well and I doubted a near obliterated castle's ruins had one of those just lying around.

I did so begrudgingly. The last thing I wanted to do was get myself in a comfortable standing at the bar and gradually end up losing sight of what I really wanted.

Besides, those sort of story arcs tended to not end well anyways.

Don't get me wrong. As a teenage boy with hormones, I would never mind establishing some mutually-loving relationship with a girl I happened to meet at this bar and got know over time, but that would only bring up the opportunity for the author of this light novel to break us up in some tragic twist of fate to help motivate me into taking some action, other than just cleaning tables. Really, a chance at getting laid just wasn't worth all the trouble.

If I was in the type of light novel that I thought I was in, then I was somewhat confident in my chances. Actually, considering the god I ended up pledging myself to, I was a lot more than just confident in my chances.

* * *

So, to make an even longer story short, it took me about a day to find a god, or kami-sama, who would be willing to give me a blessing.

The process played itself out a lot easier than I expected. No rigorous, exercise-based trials or extremely incriminating blackmail was needed to convince her of my potential! Actually, all I needed to do was exist, because _she_ was the one to come to _me_ and ask to join her familia.

Unfortunately, she didn't do so because I had some bullshit OP-power that only she was able to sense for whatever reason-a reason that I'm sure was probably also bullshit. It was actually all because she didn't have a single other child in her familia and desperately wanted one.

When I asked her exactly why there were no other people in her familia, she proceeded to give me this entire speech about having had just started looking for familia members not too long ago and not having much to offer a person in terms of power and prestige, even if they were genuinely interested in bequeathing themselves to her-a detail that served as quite the pleasant surprise for me, as it told me that the people here in this world had much better standards than those of my world, which was filled with desperate enough men and women, all of which willing to give up anything to get a shot at a woman as beautiful as the goddess.

Still, despite the fact I had very well-founded misgivings of her proposal, I decided to keep the conversation between the two of us going and decided to ask her how many people she asked, _before_ she came to me, as I wanted to see how valuable she thought I was and why she decided to come to me.

According to her, she went through about fifty possible candidates before she came across me asking around for a familia to join. I was being rejected by pretty much every familia I went to at the time, so figuring out why she decided on coming to me after all her earlier failures came pretty easily.

Essentially, I was her last resort. I was the one person she knew would never decline an offer, which I already knew to take as a compliment rather than as an insult as I'm sure most would. It meant that if she was in an desperate enough situation, I was an extremely valuable piece as my allegiance was all but guaranteed. All she needed to do was ask and I'd be just like putty in her hands.

Unfortunately for her, however, there was no better position of power in a negotiation than that of someone who already their own value. Me being aware of how much she needed me gave me great leverage against her. Depending on how I used it, I was fairly confident that I'd be able to hash out a deal with her that favored me immensely.

Unfortunately for _me_ , however, I was also well aware of the reason why she found someone like me so appealing in the first place. So, I was forced to reschedule my first attempt at blackmailing a god to some later date.

Still, I didn't want the goddess thinking that I was just going to bend to her every whim, all because she was the only god who'd take me. So, I brought the fact that one could interpret what she just told me as her looking at me as someone of that nature. I must've did so in a way that made it seem like I thought she was looking down on me, because the goddess went into full-blown apology mode.

It was actually pretty adorable to see. If I was really in a light novel like I thought, I could see it being the first illustration in the book. The woman probably would've be drawn in chibi-form with tears forming in her eyes as she frantically tried to convince me of what she was saying. All the while, I'd be staring at her, completely dumbfounded by the person claiming herself to be a goddess from the lower-left corner of the frame, my eyes being represented by straight lines with dark shadows hanging just underneath them.

Wait, now that I think about it, there's no way that would be the first illustration in the book. I'm sure that it would be an illustration, but it definitely wouldn't be the first.

I'm sure that the author would have wasted it on some fan service shot of my kami-sama. I wouldn't know what she would be doing as our initial meeting was pretty mundane fair, but I'm sure it would be of her. I mean, the way she looks and dresses just screams 'walking fetish bait'! It'd be an ice-cold day in hell if the author decided to use their first illustration on anything else!

So, after the goddess managed to calm herself down, I moved to assure her that thinking that way about me was completely fine with me. I think I said something along the lines of: 'I'm already well-resigned to being some desperate woman's last resort'.

The woman laughed in response, probably thinking that I was making some sort self-deprecating joke. I, of course, was being very serious when I said that, but I wasn't about to bring that up to her. Again, not a masochistic idiot.

Anyway, I agreed to being a part of her familia and after doing some basic introductions, the goddess dragged me into a nearby bookstore, forced me out of my shirt and then laid me down to give me her blessing, or falna, as it was apparently called… Damn elf.

She probably used the wrong word on purpose just to make me look bad in front of my new kami-sama! Ha! Jokes on you, though. I can still play the amnesia card whenever I screw up, so none of your attempts at sabotaging me are going to work!

Wait, didn't Flova also say that the preferred word was blessing?! Fuck! That means she's working against me as well! Are all my only contacts in this world trying to sabotage me? Why? Just how much help did those women need?! Are they all that incompetent at their jobs? Sheesh…

Ehem… So, the ritual itself turned out be a rather simple one. After taking off my shirt, she laid me down face first on a bench and climbed up on my back.

A somewhat uncomfortable for me as what my kami-sama decided to wear on an everyday basis was essentially the length of a cocktail dress, and that, in turn, allowed a fair amount of her bare thighs to press up against the bare skin of my back, but all that went far beyond the point.

After climbing up onto me (ugh, that still sounds vaguely dirty to me, even after having already said it twice beforehand), she pressed the palms of her gloved hands on to the small of my and began to recite some chant I'm sure would've been at home in any other fantasy-based light novel series. I even didn't bother trying to memorize it as I highly doubted that I'd need something only a god could use.

Once it was complete, I felt a strange energy run through me. I didn't know where to start trying to describe it. I just felt better in every sense of the word. Stronger, faster and more energetic. I could actually feel those changes.

It was strange to say the least and knowing that she probably had the answers I needed, I immediately proceeded to ask my kami-sama about it and that eventually turned into her giving me the entire explanation on what I needed to do to get stronger.

The entire explanation lasted about an hour, but I came out of it with more knowledge on the world around me than I did an hour prior.

To achieve my goal, I needed to reach the end of the dungeon. Logic dictated that the trek to the end was a long and hard one, which would need me to get much stronger than I was now.

To become stronger, I needed to raise my stats and level up. It was sort of like I was playing a real life MMORPG or plain old JRPG.

To raise my stats, I needed to do pretty much anything associated with that individual stat. Doing parkour around would gradually raise my endurance and agility stats, lifting heavy objects would cause my strength star to rise, but nothing would get me higher stats faster than grinding away, slaughtering the monsters that lie in the dungeon.

Finally, if I wanted to level up, I needed to do something that impressed the gods themselves. Be it killing a much stronger monster earlier than I should, or saving a bunch of strangers while facing against extraordinary odds. If it managed to impress, I would take a step closer to being able to be called a god myself, which was the leveling-system meant: how close you were to wielding god-like powers.

That's what I needed to do get home. It would probably take me upwards of decades to reach a place that was anywhere near the end of the dungeon, but knowing the basics of what I needed to do gave me a just little comfort.

When the explanation concluded, I remember my kami-sama asking me if I was at all overwhelmed by what I heard. I told her that I was completely fine, which I was.

The sudden inclusion of a leveling up system threw me for a little bit of a loop, but I wasn't at all 'overwhelmed' by it per se. Actually, it made things much easier for me to understand, as it told me something that the dungeon and everything around me probably operated like an MMORPG, which I haven't played a good deal of due to the whole 'MMO' part, but I'm fairly sure my knowledge on the 'RPG' aspect would be enough to carry me through.

Once I confirmed that I did in fact understand what she was telling me, the goddess glanced outside a nearby window and saw that the day was already starting to give way to nighttime.

Upon seeing this, she told me that we should probably head over to where she and I would be living together for the time being, warning me beforehand that it was pretty run down. It didn't bother me at all and I told her that. It's free-lodging, after all and it being free would make up for how garbage it was in my books.

Really, I was more worried about the fact that she and I would be living together than where I was going to be living with her with. I mean, how would I ever control myself?! Oh, by not being a hormone-driven creep?! I can't believe I almost forgot that was an option!

Sarcasm being one-hundred percent meant to be there.

Still, my kami-sama seemed to be pleased by my near immediate acceptance of the fact. I actually think that I managed to impress her with what I said. For the first time ever, my tendency to be a cheapskate actually helped me impress a woman…

From that moment on, I knew that she and I were going to be getting along swimmingly.

* * *

So, that's how I ended up in the position I was in right now.

I mean, I know I failed to mention the five days that passed between then and now, but all of that happened to be pretty typical stuff, so I didn't feel the need to go into detail on any of it really.

The only things of note that happened was my talk with Flova after I received my falna, my first night staying with Hestia-sama-my kami-sama (I don't know how her name slipped my mind that in that earlier explanation of mine)-and my registration into the adventurer's guild, in which I got to meet my designated advisor, a bespectacled half-elf with short brown hair named Eina Tulle.

All of which, I'm sure, could be explained in some offhanded fashion when it was actually needed and not now when it definitely wasn't needed.

Right now, I needed to put all of my focus on the task ahead, which was somehow wake up my kami-sama, who was currently snuggling her head into my chest like it was a pillow.

This wasn't the first time something like this had occurred in the five days we spent living together. Actually, this was the fifth time this has happened, which meant that it's happened every day that I've spent in my new home-the basement of an abandoned and nearly ruined church that was located on the edge of Orario.

Did its frequency of occurrence mean that I was used to it happening? Nope. Really, all that it did was make me expect it to happen, which was far from actually adjusting to it.

As to why my kami-sama found it necessary to sleep next to me at night when she had a much larger bed of her own to sleep in just a few feet away? Well, it was because it was cold at night and she was very adamant about not letting me sleep in the cold and so, we shared the blanket.

Why was my chest bare, if it was so cold? Well, I only had one set of clothes and I just didn't want to have to keep washing them to get the wrinkles out.

Simple as that really. It's not like I minded any how. I had an imouto that still cared about me, after all, so I was well used to being used like I was a breathing pillow by girls I called family. Well, one was technically a 'familia' member, but my point should be obvious.

That experience would be helpful with what I had to do next.

Glancing down at my kami-sama, I can't help but stop to marvel at the beauty of the woman clinging on to me-beauty that was only made more apparent by the streams of sunlight that was pouring in through a nearby window.

Her raven-black hair, which was no longer tied up in its usual twin-tail styling, was strewn out all over the place, completely covering the two of us in her long strands-strands that looked and acted just like silk and reflected the light just as easily, a feature that was evident with how well it reflected aforementioned sunlight. That same light also bounced off the oils that had built up on her faultless, smooth alabaster skin naturally during the night, framing her perfectly sculpted heart-shaped jawline with a singular line of white.

All of those things combined reminded me of one thing, that the person I pledged myself to really was of divine ancestry.

I end up just staring at her sleeping form for a good while. Not wanting to disturb the beauty that lay before me. Well, technically speaking, she was lying _on_ me, but that went far beyond the point I was trying to make.

For a moment, I think about just allowing my slacker instincts to take over and to just allow myself to fall back asleep, but I quickly threw that idea out of my mind.

I've already said before, I couldn't afford to allow myself to get complacent. If I wanted back home, then I needed to keep my focus.

No doubt in my mind, there would be times where sitting back and relaxing would be an actually viable option, but today, seven days into my life as an adventurer wasn't close to being one of them. There was just too much work that needed to be done.

Reaching over with my free right hand-my left was currently being suffocated by two warm hills-I lightly grasped my kami-sama's bicep and shook it just as lightly. The act elicited a small, irritated whine from her as tried to dig her face deeper into my chest.

"Mn…five more minutes," she mumbled as I felt both of her arms suddenly tighten around my abdomen-an act that caused me to fluster just a little bit. Just a little bit, I said!

Oh, and also, is this what I sounded like to Komachi when she would come to wake me up in the morning? Hm, it's no wonder why she kept doing it into her middle school years then. From what I just saw with kami-sama, I must have both looked and sounded adorable!

"Kami-sama, I need to get up." Hm, my voice sounded pretty monotone there, despite what I said about being slightly flustered. Her grip on my abdomen only tightened after I said that.

"No… Hachiman-kun should stay in bed with kami-sama!" Ugh, what in the hell did I do to deserve this level of clinginess from you, girl? Was just accepting your offer really enough to turn you like this? If so, then you're a lot more desperate that I initially thought! "Besides… I know Hachiman-kun doesn't want to leave me either. He may never show it, but I can tell that he's lazy deep down to the bones."

What? How did you know— I mean, when did you get that impression of me, kami-sama? I'd have thought that you had a lot more faith in your child?! I mean, I'm your only child, but still!

"Hestia-sama," I made sure to use her actual name this time, "you and I both know—"

"Okay, okay…" The goddess whined loudly as she suddenly unlatched herself from me and rolled over so that she was now facing away from me. Hey, you don't have to get pouty just because you know I'm right. That's awfully unbecoming of a goddess, you know… Ugh, when the hell did I end up becoming the one responsible person in this familia? "…hmph, my child is no fun…"

Letting out a sigh, I pick myself up from the couch that served as my bed for the past five days. It wasn't a terribly comfortable thing, I was probably being generous when I said that, but it was all I had, so I learned to live with it.

There was always using kami-sama's bed. The two of us already sleep next to one another, so it wouldn't be that much of a departure. Still, I felt somewhat hesitant to actually do so. It felt like a very final decision for whatever reason.

Kind of like that one choice in a visual novel. The one choice that you know will lock you into a route. That's sort of what that bed felt like to me. It was weird and probably idiotic feeling to have, but I didn't want to take the risk just yet.

This was a light novel world, after all. I think doing something like that might actually lock me into a route and I sure as hell wasn't going to do _that_ accidentally. If, and this was a large 'if', I was ever interested in doing something like that, I sure as hell would do what all VN-players did: play the game for a little bit, find the best girl and then look up the route guide.

"…" Not knowing how to respond to what my kami-sama just said, I decide to opt for silence and just get on with the morning routine I was trying to get accustomed to.

Alright, it was: put on clothes, brush teeth, get something to eat for breakfast and then get all of the equipment I needed for my day inside of the dungeon strapped on.

Of course, everything went as planned up until I reached that very last part. I was still having trouble with putting on my armor. Then again, that was probably to be expected since not too long ago, my morning routine really only ever became as complicated as sometimes being the one to make Komachi breakfast.

"So, are you going to see that maid from the bar?" My kami-sama asks me as I fumble with the strap of my steel chest piece-the only piece of armor I could afford.

Confused by the sudden question, I stop trying and failing at putting on my chest piece, and spare a glance over towards where her voice came from, nearly jumping when I find that she was standing right behind me.

"Um…yes?" I answer hesitantly. She was still pouting. That couldn't be a good sign, right? I definitely need to be very careful here.

"Is she still making you those lunches?" My entire body locks up when I suddenly feel a pair of soft, thin hands grasp the both of my own hands and suddenly pull them away from the strap I had been having with. Shit! I could feel a deep miasma hanging around her. For a man, something like that means that a painful death is imminent! Clearly, I needed to be very careful with what I said next.

Thank you father for inadvertently sacrificing yourself to teach me that lesson when I was a child. I promise that your sacrifice won't have been in vain!

"Yes…?" Shit! That wasn't careful at all! Why the hell did I pose that as a question?!

"Oh?" Oh no… That inflection she used… Ah! What's with this sudden pressure wrapping around my chest? Am I going to die? Is this how I go out? Death by envious fan service character?! …You know what? Now that I think about it. Not the worst way to go out. "Really?"

Mentally, I braced myself for my coming fate as I felt the pressure wrapped around my chest increase more and more, before suddenly it…stopped.

Eh? It stopped?

Turning my gaze downwards, I found that my chest piece was now fixed firmly to my chest, instead of just hanging loosely in front of it.

I guess kami-sama must've fixed the strap for me. So, she wasn't trying to cave in my chest cavity? Great. Now, I feel guilty.

Glancing over my shoulder at my kami-sama, I found that she was now standing besides me. I didn't fail to notice the frown that marred her features.

Great. Now I feel even more guilty.

"Um, kami-sama…are you alright?" I glance away as I ask that question. A tad of a fluster burning on my face as I do so. Seriously, why am I getting so flustered for, all of a sudden? I'm just apologizing for gods' sake!

In response, she let out a sigh and stated, "It's just that as your kami-sama, I feel like I'm not doing as much for you as I could be."

"What? The hell are you babbling on about?" My eyes subconsciously narrow as I say that. "You've done more than enough." For some reason, the thought of my kami-sama berating herself in such a way irritated me to no end. "Stop talking such nonsense."

"I'm being serious, though!" She exclaimed back in response. "As your kami-sama, it's my job to provide you with your every necessity!" She turned her gaze downwards as she added, "Do you know how hard it is to see your only child being fed by some barmaid, just because you don't have enough money to feed them! It just makes me feel so helpless!"

"So, what are you going to do about it then?" I was going to retort her previous claim of being 'helpless', but I swiftly deduced that it wouldn't do anyone much good. Being the lone member of her familia, helpless was a pretty reasonable thing for her to feel. So, instead of pointlessly attempting to argue with her further, I decided to hear her out.

Despite the magical bond that linked us to one another, our relationship was still just like any other, ordinary partnership and if it was going to remain healthy, neither of us could afford to try and overpower the other. Luckily, I at least knew that much.

"I've been thinking about getting a job." The moment I saw her expression shift to one of determination, I knew that I lost completely.

She was going to get herself a job no matter what I said to her, so I decided to concede defeat and perform a little damage control, "Alright, go ahead, but only up until I get strong enough to bring in a steady income from the dungeon." I advert my eyes as I added, "A divine being shouldn't be forced to work some human job just to feed their child."

"Ah! I'd knew you understand!" My kami-sama flashed me a bright smile that forced a smile of my own to grow on my lips. There was just something about seeing her act like herself again after a stint of seriousness that just forced a wave of comfort over my body. "You won't regret this, I swear!"

"'Regret this'?" I can't help but flash a smirk at the goddess sitting besides me. "Why would I regret anything? In this situation, either I get you to work for my food, or I get to be right. Either way I win."

"Mou…" Ah, she was pouting again. Good to know we were back to our relationship's default setting. All of that serious air was starting to get to me. "You were being so cute earlier when you were trying to act like you didn't care," she whined, "why'd you have to ruin it by suddenly becoming a creep, again?"

Her whining only made my smirk grow even larger.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, kami-sama." You calling me a tsundere, woman? Ha, Hilarious~. "I'll see you later."

…

Hm, I wonder if that would raise or lower my stock with the readers of this shitty light novel?

 **-Chapter End-**

So, all of that happened.

Y'all like what you see? I personally think that I made Hikki a bit too goofy in places, but what do you guys think?

Also, apologies for all of that exposition to begin the chapter, but trust me, that's as large as its going to get for a long while.

Anyway, bye.

 **References:**

 **[1]:** Would you really want to live in the Berserk universe? No, of course not. That's because you're not a suicidal idiot.

 **[2]:** Broken Matt Hardy's catchphrase.

 **[3]:** A dig at one of my favorite anime series: Code Geass.


	2. Chapter 2: More to Killing Monsters

Yo, wassup. I'm back. I have this chapter for you. It's about four thousand five hundred words long. Enjoy it reading it. I know that I enjoyed writing it, so I would greatly appreciate you doing that much.

Thanks for the quick growth of this story's popularity, by the way. I appreciate seeing that there are people who are interested in reading this type of story. I love it. I really do.

Also, shout out to the people who came over from SpaceBattles! Nice to see you guys again!

 **-Mandatory Disclaimer-**

I don't own either of these series.

 **-Chapter 2: Surprisingly, There's More to Killing Monsters Than I Expected-**

One might assume that because I lived my life in a peaceful, well-developed country that it'd be somewhat difficult for me to adjust to a life of combatting deadly monsters day in and day out.

Technically speaking, you'd only be half-right with that assumption.

In terms of the mental aspect of things, I was more than ready to fight back the bloodthirsty monsters that roamed the dungeon. Actually, I found the entire thing to be rather enjoyable.

I was a hot-blooded adolescent male, after all. Killing monsters for a living was something I used to dream of being able to do.

The physical aspect of the scenario was really the exact opposite, however. First off, I had to get used to 'combat' as a whole. My falna did a lot to keep me from getting killed, but it did very little with helping me actually kill things.

Sure, I was a lot faster and stronger than I was before, but that really didn't mean a lot when I would misplace my weight or footing, and fall accidentally flat on my face every time I went in for a lunge.

So, that's why I spent the first four days of my career as an adventurer on the first floor of the dungeon, perfecting my craft on the easiest-to-kill mobs, which was a group made up of primarily dog-looking creatures and what looked to be skinny goblin creatures with crude weaponry.

Like I said earlier, they were extremely things to kill, even with my lack of experience, and I used that to help me get used to the particular style I wanted to fight with.

Before I'm asked, I should probably say that; no, I didn't get the idea from anime or manga, despite the world that I now lived in.

Being someone who lived in reality instead of anime or manga, I immediately knew that any knowledge I got from either medium would be completely useless to me. Only the most thick-headed of idiots would actually think that what they saw on a television screen to be helpful in a real world fight.

Oh, you want to swing around the sword that's almost the same height as you? Well, have fun throwing your back out! **[1]**

What's that? You want to replace the shield in your offhand with another sword? Okay, just don't blame me if you find yourself bleeding much more than you used to. I mean, what's one more sword other than just another blade to keep track of while you're fighting, right? **[2]**

Ah, so you want to run around with your arms sticking out behind you because you think it'll make you more aerodynamic? Alright. Do you want me to go ahead and punch you in the face right now then? I mean, that's all that's going happen to you if try to do like something that. You might as well get a head start now, right? **[3]**

Still, I couldn't and wouldn't allow myself to fall under the assumption that, just because I was in a world that looked to be ripped right out of a light novel, such rules just ceased to apply to me. Especially since I was still very much human, despite the falna that my kami-sama had bestowed unto me.

Yeah, it did technically make me better than a normal human being in almost every aspect. I could definitely do a lot of things a completely normal person wouldn't, but that didn't mean that I was superhuman things just yet. At most, I was probably just a little better than the most talented of all sports-athletes from back in my world.

Anyway, the style I wanted to fight with didn't take root from anything as unrealistic as anime or manga. No, I ripped it off from a medium steeped in much more realism: video games.

What? It was extremely hypocritical of me to berate the people who believed that what they saw in anime and manga to be realistic, and then proceed to praise video games for their realism a few moments later?

First off, yes, it was hypocritical of me to think say that, but one could also say the same for all of the other mediums of entertainment in existence if they used general enough terms.

Secondly, on average, video games were much more realistic than either anime or manga. For every game that showed normal human beings fight ginormous monsters with impossibly big weaponry, there were twenty more military shooters making its realism one of its main selling points. **[4]**

One really couldn't say the same thing about the mediums that came from the country that used to be my home. For every psychological thriller centered around a doctor who saved a serial killer by accident, there were seventeen more series about a guy who's one power was to suddenly become stronger when he drank a girl's breast milk. Well, not really, but you get the point. **[5]**

There was just much more realism in video games than there was in the entertainment medium my home country was reluctantly known for. So, I pulled some useful pieces from a few series that I thought would be helpful and applied them to how I fought. **[6]**

Quick and efficient. Those were the two words that could describe the fighting style I adopted, a style that heavily emphasizes substance over style. Every attack was meant to kill and all of my movements were meant to supplement that effort.

No wasted movement, no wasted energy. That was the style I had decided upon and the style I had spent the last three days trying to perfect.

In every aspect, my stay-at-home, slacker self just wasn't accustomed to combat. Physically, I needed to get my body used to making all the movements expected from the way I wanted to fight. Mentally, despite being more than ready to make the adjustment, my mind still actually needed to be trained to keep up with the quick pace of combat.

So, for five whole days, I spent hours upon hours doing nothing but practicing all that I felt was needed for the deeper, undoubtedly tougher floors ahead of me. That time spent really paid off well, though.

After close to sixty hours of practice, I felt as though I was prepared to start moving down into the middle-lower beginning levels. Then again, that just might be my personal bias kicking in there again.

Charging towards the pack of three scrawny goblins that stood in my path, I thought that, especially since I only started adventuring a less than a week beforehand, but I stopped thinking that way the moment I got close enough to the three.

All of them tried to pounce on me as I closed in, but I simply dropped down to my knees and slid underneath their failed attempt at a coordinated attack, before then twisting my body so that I was facing my three enemies right as they reached the halfway point of their jump.

Catching the bottom of my boots as I slid, I skidded to a stop and charged back towards them as they fell, the sole iron knife my kami-sama was able to produce me at the ready in the underhand position.

I was upon them within seconds and with their backs turned to me, they were easy pickings. I started with the one in the very center, kicking it in the back of the head with all the force my new body could muster, which was more than enough to kill it instantly.

I then turned my attention to the goblin on my left, physically turned my body to face it with the momentum of my earlier kick and used my left boot to stomp-kick it tumbling right into the foot of the stone cave walls that made up all of the dungeon's corridors, killing it upon impact.

Already knowing that the only remaining goblin to the right would be trying for an attack by the time I finished with the other two, I allowed the momentum of my earlier kick to carry me forwards into a step before then planting that foot and turning on a heel clockwise, knife in hand.

Already sure that the only remaining goblin would try and pounce on me, I kept my eyes locked onto my peripheral vision as I turned, looking for any sliver of green that might tip me off to the goblin's location as it flew at me.

Seeing that sliver of green, I positioned the tip of my knife to hit it as I turned and ran it right through the scrawny creature's little neck-an act that caused a tiny bit of the goblin's blood to spurt out onto the back of my hand, which had been luckily shielded from the splatter by the black leather of my glove. About a second after contact was made, the monster exploded into a cloud of dust, leaving nothing but a tiny purple crystal behind to drop down in front of me.

I'm sure that in the anime adaptation of this light novel, the little thing would've caused some sort of glass-like clinking noise to ring out in the air as it hit on the ground, as it was probably the audience's first exposure to the things that wasn't just in passing mention.

Ah, monster crystals. Being a newcomer to this world, I didn't know much about them. All I really knew about was that a pouch full of them could easily be worth a year's salary for a normal, working-class citizen. Oh, and also, they were apparently explosive. I think that's probably an important fact to throw in there while I'm at it.

Walking over to where the crystals dropped, I bent down and collected my spoils-something that I never thought I'd be able to use properly.

The crystals that came out of the goblins were extremely small in size, which was expected given the monsters I killed them to get them.

Once I collected all three, I used my free hand to pull out the sack I kept all of my crystals in, opened it up and carefully poured all three of the tiny crystals into it.

With this amount, I'd probably get, um, I don't know… A hundred vali? It could be a hundred-fifty, depending on whether or not I'm actually remembering what the Guild's rates were correctly.

Not a lot by any means, but it was easy money, all of which, I earned in less than five seconds, so I wasn't going to start complaining about it. Still, I was going to need a lot more of them for me to even come close to calling it a day today.

Unlike my last few days in the dungeon, I had an actual plan set in mind for today's dungeon crawl and I was going to try my hardest to see it get done.

What was that goal? Get down to the fifth floor and kill as many monsters as I could when I finally got down there, before then dragging my exhausted body back up to the surface when I eventually tired myself out.

Not the most intricate plan I've ever came up with, but it would do for what I was trying to achieve-which was accumulate as much vali and increase my stats as much as was possible.

I had meant what I had said to my kami-sama, someone who the world sees as a divine being shouldn't be forced to work a part-time just to feed their child. Something about the idea just felt…off to me, for whatever reason.

Every time I thought of it, it felt as though I had spent the last hour of my life trying to fix a crooked painting that wouldn't stay straight no matter what I did to it. Nothing said I had to go out of my way to fix it, but there was just some innate part of me that couldn't rest until I managed to do so.

Was I doing it out of pride? Yeah, you bet your ass that I was doing it out of pride. I wanted to keep the person who gave me a free house and home from having to work-something that I had found to be strange considering the fact that I wasn't someone who cared about such things. I mean, my corporate-slave parents did the same thing and I really could've cared less about being able to earn enough money to stop them from having to be corporate slaves and I lived with them for seventeen years! So, why should some loli, big-boobed goddess be any different?

Well, for whatever reason, she was different and I had nothing better to do with my time, so… I might as well go do something about it.

* * *

In the beginning of most light-novels, it wasn't a rare thing to see the author of the novel try to establish their main protagonist and what their goal in life was by telling the audience what their standing in the world around them was.

Be it an excruciatingly long span of narration that involved a broken system of government that disadvantaged normal people and thus the exceedingly average main protagonist, or having the MP get their ass handed to them by, what was at the time, an unbeatable opponent, before then being saved from said opponent by a much more powerful side character, who'd most definitely be a driving force behind any and all of the MP's character development in the future.

Either way, doing either quickly established the MP as a relatable figure for the reader to latch on to, which made such an event almost a necessity for a light novel. Unfortunately, it seemed like it was now my turn to have to go through such an event.

At some point, while I busy tearing through all of the mobs that spawned on the fifth floor, I had somehow managed to forget that my life was now that of your common, everyday light novel protagonist-a fact that had been forcibly put back into the forefront of my mind by an extremely angry half-bull, half-man carrying around some sort of crudely-made, stone ax.

It turned out that I was so completely caught up in what I was doing-killing mobs left and right-that the thought slipped my mind.

Why did something like that happen? Well, I was a hot-blooded teenage boy with the ability to kill a bunch of living beings without having to face the risk of a moral dilemma that would make me want to question, whether or not I'm a good human being.

To put it simply, I was having so much fun that my mind couldn't focus on anything else. It's a good thing that what I was doing required that I pay attention to my surroundings as I did it, because if not, I may have ended up running face first into what I was sure would be _that_ enemy-the enemy that, I'm sure, was only put here by the author to kick my now light-novel protagonist ass six ways to Sunday.

Fuck… This wasn't going to be fun.

* * *

The moment my eyes fell on aforementioned enemy upon turning a sharp corner, my body nearly completely locked up out of pure shock.

For a moment, the two of us locked eyes and we stared at each other for the majority of an excruciatingly long second, but eventually, I was able to break away from our impromptu staring contest and start running away in the opposite direction.

Unfortunately, all of that sudden movement seemed to have triggered the half-bull, half-man into action as well, as the sounds of its booming bellow and hooves slamming into the ground after me soon followed my retreat from the area.

What the hell was something like _**that**_ doing all the way up on fifth floor?! I haven't even been here for more than a month and I know that there was no fucking way something that strong naturally spawned this high up into the dungeon! So, why—?

Noticing that the sound of its hooves pounding against the ground was getting closer, I took a quick glance over my shoulder and saw that it had closed the distance between the two of us. I was actually pretty sure that it could just lean over and breathe on my shoulder at the current distance it was away from me. That, of course, didn't do me and my current panicked state of mind any favors.

SHIT! How the fucking hell is this thing faster than—?!

Before I could finish that curse, I noticed the human/bull hybrid chasing after me suddenly raise its massive arms up into the air, over its head-an action that immediately told me what its intention was.

Since the last thing I wanted to happen was let it see that intention through, I immediately scrambled to get myself out of harm's way.

My efforts ended up providing me with some mixed results as I had managed to get myself out of the way of the bull hybrid's ax, _before_ my body could be split right down the center by it, but it also left me lying flat on my back as it charged past me as all I had really done to get out of the way was throw myself back-first into a nearby wall.

A part of me hoped that the hybrid would be stupid enough to keep running forwards as it flew past me, but that hope was crushed when it planted its hooves into the stone ground and ground itself to a halt, turning itself around so that it was facing me as it did so.

Shit…

Pushing myself up to my feet as fast as I could manage, I made sure that my eyes never left where the bull-hybrid stood, already pretty sure that the thing would try and attack me while I was down on the ground.

As it turns out, that assumption turned out to be completely correct as, before I was even three-fourths of the way back up to my feet, the ax-wielding monster charged directly at me-aforementioned ax dragging across the stone ground to its right as it did so.

Crap, that's too neutral of a position for me to get a good read off of—

Before I could even finish that sentence, the monster was before me, its ax already being swung down on me. My eyes widened from shock at how fast the beast managed to close the distance.

How the—wasn't it just over there a second ago?! How did—?!

That's when I noticed something strange. The sounds it's hooves were making as it stomped across the ground… I could still hear them…

Wait, what? That doesn't make any sense! If it's standing right over me then how could it still be possible that noise is coming from it? There's no way—

Right as I began to question whether or not I was going insane, the image of the bull hybrid standing over me, ready to cleave me into two pieces disappeared, leaving behind…the same hybrid…but with its arms lowered? What…?

Before I could question the sudden change in its position, the hybrid did as it was supposed to have done earlier and hefted its weapon up into the air, over its head as it approached me rapidly.

Already having seen the sight already, my body didn't lock up from shock like it did earlier. Instead, it sprung into action and got me the hell away from the ax-wielding mob.

With a not so graceful roll to my left that left me lying on my back, I once again just barely avoid getting cleaved in half. Knowing that I couldn't afford to waste any more time, after my roll, I immediately fumble back up to my feet and start sprinting away.

Fucking dammit… I need to find a way to get this thing off my back…

In my current state, there was absolutely no way I was going to just outrun this thing. If my stats were higher and I hadn't just spent the majority of an afternoon running through the dungeon killing anything in sight, maybe there was a chance, but unfortunately—

Another bellow cuts that train of thought off. Glancing back over my shoulder, I see that it already somehow managed to get behind me, its ax already primed for a hack that would go clean through my midsection if I didn't dodge it, but once again, I couldn't help but take note of how the sound of its hooves stamping along the ground just didn't match up to its current position. Then, just like before, the hybrid in front of me disappeared and gave way to one that was directly behind it.

Hm… So, is that what happened? Well then…

Anticipating a swing that was leveled right at my midsection, I waited for the thing to torque its body and when it did, I jumped up and bent my knees in midair. Feeling air blow by under me, I knew that my assumption had turned out to be correct.

Landing with a slight stumble, I recovered and once again looked over my shoulder, smirking a bit as I did so. My eyes widening in surprise when I see the ax wielding bull at a dead stop.

What—?

Before I can even begin to question what was going on, I feel both my legs suddenly give out under the body they carried, which was then instantly followed up by pain-lots and lots of pain, coursing throughout my entire body as I skipped across the ground.

Ugh, what… What the hell just happened? Why do I feel so…tired, all of a sudden? I can't even…

This exhaustion… It wasn't the same type of exhaustion one would feel after physically exerting themselves for too long of a time. No… it was more like the kind one would experience after pulling an all-night study session… The kind that made it hard to… To…

My eyes… Shit… They're closing…

I could feel the ground under me vibrate as I struggled to keep my eyes from shutting. Through half-lidded eyes, I looked up to where the vibrations were coming from with my face still firmly resting on the ground.

There, stomping over to me with ax in hand, was the half-bull, half-man hybrid.

Damn… Need to…need to get up… Can't die…can't die here.

Come on, come on, come on…!

Ugh… My arms… Can't even lift my…

Crap… Getting closer… Eyes keep closing… Need to… NEED TO!

…

Shit…

Of course, I wouldn't be able to die in a cool way… Komachi…

…

Hm, why'd it get so warm all of a sudden?

* * *

Death isn't something that most people want to think about very often. Even a pessimist-I mean, realist like me, doesn't like to wonder about such things too often.

Yes, I've already fully acknowledged that my death is an inevitable, inescapable fact. That there was nothing I could do to keep myself from passing from this world. The Fountain of Youth doesn't and will never exist; implanting my consciousness into a computer would only mean that the program itself would live longer than me and I'd still eventually end up dead in the dirt; and there would be no out of nowhere encounters with mysterious women to turn me into an immortal being. Still, despite knowing all of that, of how finite and inconsequential my existence in the universe really was, I'm not someone who liked thinking about it too much.

It was just a depressing topic to think about and despite what most people liked to think about us, realists didn't like to point out the reality in front of us because we liked to feel sad-we enjoyed being happy as much as the next person and the only thing that made us stand out was the fact that we liked to point out what was _really_ happening in the world.

Yeah, that could be depressing, but that's just how the world was most of the time-really fucking sad and depressing. My inevitable death was definitely one of those sad and depressing things, so I never put too much thought into it, but when I did think about it, I would like to think about what would happen when a life ended and what happened after that.

Was there really an afterlife. I don't know, but after what happened with that…you know what? Fuck it. I'm just going to call it a minotaur. I was holding back from calling it that because of the possibility of the people here calling it something else, but since there were a good amount of gods and goddesses here that were named after beings from Greek mythology, I'm sure I was going to be fine by calling it that.

Alright, back to what I was going on about earlier. After what happened with that minotaur, I was pretty sure that, barring some miraculous saving of my ass, I was currently feeling what it was like to be dead.

Death was surprisingly warm and comfortable. If I had to compare it something, it felt like I was sleeping on a really comfy bed with an equally comfortable blanket draped over me.

Hm, is this really what death feels like? If it is, then count me pleasantly surprised. I expected a lot more pain and suffering, for some reason. Sarcasm being fully intended there, by the way.

Still, the lack of…well, anything negative confused me greatly. Surely, they'd be more of a punishment for getting myself killed before I was a week into my life as an adventurer, right?

Wait, am I even dead? I wouldn't put it past a light novel author to write their main protagonist into a state of unconsciousness just to set up a stinger for the next chapter and since I was in a world that was clearly based off a light novel, maybe—

"Nourish." Suddenly a feminine and unfamiliar voice cut through the silence that enshrouded me, snapping me from my earlier reverie. A moment later, a sudden energy suddenly filled me, making it feel like I had just took a several hour nap.

—Oh, so I _am_ alive? Good. As a human being with pride, I really didn't want to go out in such a pathetic way and now, I won't have to! Yay, now I won't be known as the one light novel protagonist to die long before their story began. Then again, it's not like a part of me didn't expect something like this to happen.

Like I said earlier, I would never have put it past an author to use a trope like that, but I never would've thought that they'd use it so early in the story. Usually, something like that was saved for somewhere in the middle of the story, or the beginning of the middle of the story.

Well, whatever. I guess I should probably open my eyes now. Whenever this trope was used, it was used to introduce someone or something that would be a very important story now or later on. Might as well go and confront it head on while I'm some semblance of prepared for it.

Opening my suddenly lightened eyelids, I found myself looking up at someone that really made me question whether or not I was actually dead.

"…"

"…"

"Hello."

I blinked in response to that. Not knowing how else to respond, I give the only response that I can think to give at the moment.

"Yo."

 **-Chapter End-**

So, again, that happened…

Bye. See you later.

 **-References-**

 **[1]:** Very open-ended reference. Just pick your favorite big-sword anime and figure that I'm criticising it.

 **[2]:** I'm talking to you delusional, hardcore fans of SAO! Dual-wielding any weapon doesn't give you any sort of advantage.

 **[3]:** Do I really need to state who I'm going after with that? Like, really?

 **[4]:** Again, do I really need to state what I'm trying to get at with that?

 **[5]:** Monster is being compared to Seikon no Qwaser, right there. Seriously, like, what the fuck is that anime?

 **[6]:** Referencing the story that inspired this story. Sage_of_Eyes pulled how Hikigaya fought and dress from the From Software game:  Bloodborne. I'm probably going to do something like that. You'll see what games I pull from later on.


	3. Chapter 3: I Have an Impact on Women

Hey, what's up. So, you've somehow made it to this story's third chapter. I don't know how, but you've all managed somehow and I commend you on that.

So, I've been getting some requests to finish the omake series that I had going while Sage_of_Eyes was still posting for his story. I _would_ do that, but unfortunately, the only place they would make sense is on that specific thread and I'd rather not go trying to resurrect dead threads. I could try posting here, but I really don't want to pull focus away from this story. Don't worry, if you do want to read it here on, I'm going to open a poll and I'll see what'd you guys prefer me to do.

Anyway, prepare yourself for a chapter that really doesn't build to anything. It's going to be a slow burn to any sort of story arc, people. I just wanted to get Hachiman situated in Orario _before_ I try and do anything too grand as I feel Hachiman would try and do the same in this sort of situation. Some of you may not like that, but give it a chance, I'll try and be interesting with the things I do in the meantime.

With all of the preliminary stuff out of the way, let's just get past the mandatory disclaimer and get to the story.

 **-Mandatory Disclaimer-**

You already get the point of these things by now. I'm not going to repeat myself anymore.

 **-Chapter 3: Occasionally, I Forget that I Have a Strange Impact on Women-**

"Yo." When I heard that singular, simple word slip out from the lips of the boy that lay on the ground before me, I felt myself blink back at him to indicate my confusion almost instantly.

"…" Not knowing what to say back, I allow silence to do so.

That word… What could it possibly mean? I don't think I've ever heard it used before… **[1]**

Given the context of the situation, I suppose it could've been meant as some form of greeting, though then again, I guess I can't be sure of that unless I asked him. I wouldn't want to be presumptuous and just assume goodwill from a complete stranger, especially one that looked like he did.

From his features alone, I could tell that he hailed from a foreign country-probably one of the ones to the east if I had to take a guess-which made the possibility of the word being some sort of obscenity entirely plausible. Still, I didn't want to presume hostility from a complete stranger either and so, I endeavored to understand what exactly that word meant.

"'Yo'?" I ask him.

"…" He reacts the same way I did when I first heard him use that word. He even blinked like I did…

Hm, maybe it really wasn't a word at all then? I suppose him just letting a random noise slip out of his mouth could make sense considering the situation. Not less than five minutes ago, he was just running away from a minotaur, something that couldn't have been pleasant experience for a level one like him. The fact that he experienced a mind down while doing so probably didn't help that either. He probably thought that he was going to die right then and there.

If that's the case, I suppose I should just drop—

"Why did you say that like it was a question?" The question that slipped out of the unknown boy's mouth caught me off guard. Not enough to make me react or anything, but it definitely did surprise me.

"What do you mean?" I find myself asking after a bit of hesitation on my part, being not quite sure what to say back in response due to my surprise.

When I asked him that back, I noticed his eyes widen… Maybe he didn't mean to ask that? I guess my earlier assumption was half right then, he **was** still disoriented from what happened with the minotaur. I was just wrong about the part about it being some random noise.

"Um…" He averted his narrowed, almost dead-looking grey eyes off to the side as he trailed off, "…don't worry about it." He sat himself up from his position down on the ground after saying that, making it so that I was now staring at the back of his head when he next spoke. "I was just thinking out loud there."

Oh… Did I accidentally say something that made him uncomfortable there? Well, that's not good. Should I try apologizing here, or would that only make things more awkward? Hm, what a conundrum I have found myself in.

It seems like both my options here could end up making things more uncomfortable if I'm not careful. If I did accidentally cause him discomfort with what I said and didn't apologize, then that might end up leading to a long stretch of awkward silence. The exact opposite of that might end up leading to him feeling guilty about making me feel guilty, which might lead to that very same awkward silence.

Truly, the ground I'm currently walking is very treacherous. If this was an encounter in the dungeon, I'm sure that using my strength to simply power my way through the adversity I faced would be a plan that'd work valiantly, but unfortunately, this was a social encounter and those were much more tricky to handle.

Unlike a group of monsters, I couldn't eviscerate a conversation to make things better-often times, I wish that was the case, but unfortunately for me, going around, doing something like that, wasn't very good for one's standing with the rest of the world and I did have a familia to represent, after all.

People were fragile beings that could be set off by the slightest of offense, it was a lesson I've learned a long time ago through much trial and error, but unfortunately, all that time hasn't tempered my hand at all. I was still as bad at handling fragile things as I was back when I was a child. When I said that, I meant figuratively speaking, of course. Literally speaking, my deft of hand has much improved since back then. **[2]**

What was currently happening with this boy was a testament to my inability to—

"Um, excuse me?" the sound of the boy's voice drew me out from my thoughts-an action that it did quite easily with how distinct it was. It was deep and monotone, lifeless even, matching the eyes that sat just a nose's length away from the mouth it came out from perfectly. "Do you mind explaining to me what just happened?" He started to scratch at the back of his head after saying that. "Everything just sort of went black for me after I, um…fell."

"Ah, of course." Silently, I thank the gods that he had decided to speak for a little while after he initially started to speak. Otherwise, I would've been in danger of tripping on my words at that moment, due to how caught off guard I was by his sudden question. "I'm not sure, but I'm currently under the belief that you experienced a mind out sometime while you were fleeing from that minotaur."

"Ah… a mind out, right…" I subconsciously tilt my head at the way he says that. It gave the impression that he did indeed know about the phrase and what it meant, but still hadn't fully committed it to memory. "That would explain why I passed out there…"

Maybe the concept of managing the way he employed his magic was new to him? It wouldn't surprise me if that turned out to be the case. Accidentally over-exerting one's self was a common mistake to make for those who were new to magic-making it while inside the dungeon however, was new to me. It was much more common, and preferable, to see adventurers do so _outside_ the dungeon as most would take time to experiment with their new magic to see their limits, but it seems like, for whatever reason, this boy didn't do so. Did no one take the time to tell him of those dangers?

No, now that I think about it, that couldn't possibly be the reason. What he just said makes it clear that he was already made aware of the dangers of a mind out, so maybe it only occurred because of the situation he was faced with. He was running away from a minotaur-an impossible enemy for an adventurer still on the fifth floor to face-so it was very possible that he just over-exerted himself while doing so.

"H-hey, um…" The sound of his voice ends up dragging me away from my thoughts just like it did before, trailing off as it does so. Blinking away the fog that my own thoughts had created, I soon find that the boy, or at least, my perception of him had changed. No longer were his eyes were staring off to the side. Now, they were firmly locked onto my own-a distinct sense of concern radiating off of them.

"Is there something wrong?" I say back automatically, genuinely confused by the concern he was showing me. Why would he ever feel the need to be concerned about me? Should he not be more concerned by his own health? Was he not the one who fainted while running away from a minotaur, not a few minutes ago?

"N-no, it's nothing." His stuttering, his blushing and his eyes' sudden return to being glued to a nearby wall does nothing to alleviate my confusion. "I-I was just wondering if you could tell me what exactly happened _after_ I passed out." Brows furrowed, I find myself not being convinced by that, but despite my skepticism, I decide to keep silent for the time being and not express that skepticism to him. I've already caused him a good deal of discomfort once by being too forceful. Doing so once more would not do at all. "I noticed that you failed to mention that part with your explanation earlier."

…

Did I really fail to mention that to him? Is that what I did to make him so uncomfortable? Hm, expecting a specific set of information and failing to get it would surely cause someone great discomfort, wouldn't it? Truly, my ability to make the people around me uncomfortable knows no bounds if I managed to forget something as simple as that. Was I not the one who just said that people were overall fragile creatures a few moments ago?

"My apologies." Automatically, my head lowers itself as I give him my apology. "It was not my intention to omit such information. I hope you will be able to forgive me."

"…" Silence was the only reaction I received from the boy. Technically speaking, he may have verbally reacted, but with my head lowered, it was currently impossible to see if he did so in my mind, silence was the only response I'd gotten.

To my knowledge, there were two kinds of silence-comfortable and awkward-and certainly, the nature of the silence that currently permeated the air was of the latter variety. What could I have possibly done-?

Oh no… Did I accidentally make the same misstep that I was desperately trying to avoid earlier? To put have so much thought into it and to ultimately fall to it… How shameful of an adventurer of my caliber to be making such—

" _RAGH!"_ A loud bellowing noise suddenly echoed through the stone walls around us, once again drawing my attention away from the depths of my mind. Having already heard the noise many times beforehand, I recognized the monster that created it almost immediately.

It was a minotaur…and it was charging directly towards where I knelt.

…

Wait, did I not already kill all of them? How did this one manage to slip away from me? Have I really been that focused on interacting with… with… this boy that it made what I was doing here to begin with slip my mind completely? How much more disgrace can this day hold for me, I wonder?

Well, no matter. I can easily make up for that disgrace and my earlier disgrace by quickly dispatching this monster.

Watching as the minotaur charged directly for me, I did as I'd done a million times over. Reaching down and wrapping the fingers of my sword hand around the hilt of the rapier that was serving as a temporary replacement for my usual sword, I prepare myself for what was to come.

Closer… closer… closer… There.

All it took was a single upward movement of my arm and the minotaur was slain. It took a moment for it to do so, but the evidence of my deed showed itself, doing so in the form of a single, straight crimson line that went from one of its hips to the other seamlessly. Not a second after that line first appeared, the once living monster became two separate pieces and promptly burst into a cloud of ash, leaving a medium-sized crystal-from the looks of it, it'd decently fit in the palm of my hand-and a large splatter of blood behind in its wake.

Ah, that should do it…

Striding over to where the crystal landed, I bend over and pick it up from the ground. Inspecting it for a moment, I deem it worthy of what I was planning on doing next. Heel planted into the ground under me, I turn myself around to face where I knew the boy was lying-an act that immediately leads me to noticing the look of shock that's plastered on his face.

The feelings that arise inside me when I see him with that form of expression confuses me greatly. A part of me isn't at all surprised to see him react that way at all, but another part is utterly dumbfounded by it at the same time.

I'm sure that as a level-one, seeing something like a minotaur be dispatched with such ease would be a startling sight to see, but at the same time, such an act should be expected of an adventurer of my level and caliber.

Not that I paid much attention to my popularity at all, but even I was still aware of how most everyone in Orario knew about how strong I was at this point, so how was it even possible for him to be surprised by what I just did to that minotaur?

Was it because of the reason I stated earlier, or does he truly not know who I am? How was ignorance of that level even possible? Has he not even heard murmurs of my name before? My ability? My feats? Has none of those things ever reached his ear before? How interesting…someone who was on the same level of social ineptitude as myself… I must find out the reason for this after I finish with my apology.

Anyhow, I should probably begin executing the plan that I came up with soon, lest the boy get even more uncomfortable as he sits there in shock.

It takes me about two seconds to move over to where the boy lay and I immediately take note of how the look in his eyes suddenly shift. One moment, they were widened in a mix of shock and awe-the next, they were narrowed in a clear show of distrust, giving him the look of a stray cat who'd shoot up and scramble away at even the slightest of movements.

Yet, despite my observation, the boy remains glued to where he sat as I approach him. If I had to guess as to why, I would guess that he was probably keeping still more out of fear than anything else. I'm sure that, after seeing me eviscerate that minotaur, he realizes that I could easily run him down if I so wanted.

The moment I finally decide to stop approaching, I'm only an arm's length away from him and he's still glaring daggers into my visage.

"What—?" he begins to say, but I cut him before he can finish.

"Take this." I say as I kneel down and reach the hand holding the monster crystal out towards him. For a while, the boy just stares at the offered crystal before suddenly shifting his eyes back up to meet my own, giving me a look that spoke the question he wanted to ask for him. "It's to serve as recompense for all of the discomfort my actions have caused you today."

"Eh?" The boy's lower jaw loosens as the wariness in his eyes suddenly shifts back to disbelief.

"Did you not hear me correctly?" I ask, tilting my head once more. "I said—"

"No, no, I heard you just fine." He physically waves off my concerns with his right hand before then using it to clutch at his temple. "I…I was just trying to figure out if you were being serious or not." His dull eyes once again found themselves focusing on the crystal after he said that. "So…are you sure?"

"Take it." I say once more and this time he does take it. He did it with great hesitation, but nonetheless, he took the crystal. As he takes it from me, I can feel the tip of his index finger slightly brush against the palm of my gloved hand-an act that causes the boy to fluster for whatever reason. "Good, now that's settled, I can tell you about what happened after—"

"D-don't worry about it." Pushing himself up to his feet, he reaches for the small sack that was hanging off his belt, loosened the string that kept it closed and placed the crystal I gave to him inside of it. "I can figure that much out on my own." Upon seeing him stand, I immediately move to do the same and when our eyes next meet, the boy once again shifts his own off to the side. The fluster from earlier growing a shade deeper as he did so. "T-thanks, by the way…" He said those words a good deal of reluctance. Not in a way that made it seem like he didn't want to say them, but was, instead, rather unused to saying them. "For saving me and all…"

"A-ah, alright then," Being taken off guard by both his sudden interruption and sudden thank you, I end up stuttering a little when I next speak, "you're welcome, though I don't know why you're thanking me when I'm partially to blame for all of this happening to you."

His eyes immediately narrowed in response to what I said. "What do you mean?" he asked, his body quite noticeably tensing as he did so.

Before, did I already not say '…for all of the discomfort _my actions_ have caused you'? Did he not think that this fell under that category as well?

Blinking, I explain to him what exactly I meant, "My familia and I were returning from our expedition from the lower floors and while we were doing so, we accidentally allowed a few minotaurs to escape up into the upper floors. So, to put it bluntly, if it had not for our incompetency, your life wouldn't have been put in danger in the first place-hence my claim that you have nothing to thank me for."

My explanation caused the boy to stare at me for a few moments, before those eyes widened slightly in what I could only assume was realization. "Ah, that's how it is?" he asked, his eyes shifting themselves down towards the hand that held his monster crystal pouch. "So, what you're saying, that the crystal you gave me," he raised the burlap sack up so that it was next to his head, "this is your way of repaying me?"

"Yes, it is." I find myself being confused by the boy's question as I nod. Shouldn't that much be obvious? "Is there a problem with that? Do you find my apology lacking in some way? If so, please tell me and I'll do everything in my power to prove you that I'm genuinely sorry for me and my familia's actions." **[3]**

In response to my statement, the boy simply stared at me as if I had just used a foreign language to speak my previous words to him. Was he perhaps contemplating the validity of my claim? Huh, how much more must I do to prove my guilt, I wonder?

While I do care that I give him proper compensation for the distress me and my familia's ineptitude has caused him, I cannot stay here and accommodate him forever. I need to return to my familia eventually, after all.

After a few more seconds of uninterrupted eye contact, I notice that the narrow, little dull-grey dots that served as his eyes began to drift downwards ever so slowly-an act that piques my curiosity for a reason unknown to me. Was he perhaps checking if I had any valuable equip-?

"N-no, i-it's fine." The sound of him speaking those hurried words stops me from finishing the question I was asking myself. "T-the crystal is more than enough compensation." His eyes, oddly enough, were off to the side once more and his cheeks was painted red ever so slightly.

Ah, so he is satisfied with the crystal then? That's good. Since his eyes were drifting downwards, I can only assume that he was trying to assess whether or not I had anything of value that he could take from me as form of compensation. How noble of him to be satisfied with so little…

"If that's so, then I must leave take my leave here." I bow my head as I say that. "Please make sure to-"

"Hey, Ais!" The all too familiar sound of a certain familia member of mine's gruff voice echoing through the walls of the dungeon cuts me off before I was able to finish my goodbye. "I don't think that there are any other minotaur! That kid up yet?! I'm getting sick and tired of running through these beginning levels! There ain't nothing good here to kill!"

Turning my head towards where the voice originated from, I remember something that completely slipped my mind as I talked to the boy. My head returning to its original position being pointed directly at the boy, I find myself staring at a sight that took me completely off guard.

The boy was completely gone from sight. **[4]**

* * *

Despite common misconception, an individual human being wasn't an unique organism at all. The same went for snowflakes, by the way.

Yes, on a genetic-level, all people proved to be different from one another thanks to our DNA, but on every other level, there wasn't anything unique about us.

My appearance? My personality? My interests? Ha, don't make me laugh! None of those things were unique. In a world that had over seven billion people on it, it was almost impossible to be unique. One way or another, there will be someone who looks similar, acts similar and likes similar things. That was just the law of averages when there were that many people living in the same place.

So, that's why I wasn't at all shocked to find myself looking at the bespectacled brunette sitting down in front of me and recognizing her as someone else entirely.

Ah, Eina Tulle-san. She was the advisor the guild had assigned to me when I started my career as an adventurer. From the moment I first laid my eyes on her, I recognized her as someone else. Fortunately, unlike the person I thought she looked a lot like, she didn't start rambling on about BL the moment we began to speak. Rather, the moment she opened her mouth, I started to recognize her as someone entirely different.

A beautiful, yet somehow still single, older woman whose job entailed her teaching me things that will help me become successful? Why she was almost the spitting image of a certain sensei of mine-a certain sensei who would lecture me constantly about how bad my conduct was, kind of like how Tulle-san was doing right now actually. All she really needed was a lab coat, a cigarette, and a bit more existential dread and it would be like I was already back at Sobu.

"Seriously, Hikigaya-kun? Not even five days an adventurer and you've already managed to almost get yourself killed?" A quiet sigh was let out from her lips after she said that to him. Cupping one of her pale cheeks with a gloved hand, she flashes me a smile and asks, "What am I ever going to do with you?"

"Hey, could you please stop making it sound like what happened was all my fault?" I can't help but shoot a glare back at my advisor for what she said. "If you want to blame anyone for nearly getting me killed _and_ ruining my clothes, blame that Wallenstein girl and her familia for not cleaning up their own mess."

Ais Wallenstein. That was the name of the painfully dense woman who kept me from being killed by that Minotaur earlier. It turns out that she was an extremely big deal in the city of Orario due to her strength and beauty. Apparently, everyone in the city knew about her and all that she's accomplished, or at the very least, that's what I assume, considering the reaction I got from Tulle after I spoke of my ignorance to her legend. Thankfully, my already established amnesia helped me with navigating past that social faux pas.

"True," Nodding, she crosses her arms over her chest and adds, "but that still doesn't excuse the fact that you went against my advice and went down to the fifth floor."

Ah, the half elf did tell me to stick to the first floors for the first couple weeks of my career, didn't she? Huh, I guess it must've just slipped my mind at some point (lol).

"Ah, did you say that? I'm sorry about that. As you know," I tap on my temple with the tips of my index and middle finger as I speak, "I'm not exactly the best at remembering things."

The sharp, clearly audible intake of breath that goes through my advisor's nostrils indicates to me that my snarking wasn't at all appreciated.

"Hikigaya-kun, while I appreciate you trying to calm my worries with your usual candor," she tells me whilst pushing up her glasses, "I must ask that you keep this conversation to a serious nature."

Hm, looks like I have her trying to act all prim and proper. That means that I'm starting to get under her skin. Good. I'm sorry Tuelle-san, but after everything I've gone through the last hour, I really need someone to tear down right now. Your sacrifice will not be in vain, I swear!

"'Serious nature'?" I don't hesitate to throw the brunette's words right back at her. "You say that _after_ all the fussing you did when I walked in here?" Her cheeks get noticeably pinker in response to that, which prompts a smirk to grow on my lips. "That's not really something most people would call 'serious', now is it?"

Pouting, Tuelle averts her gaze from mine and directs it over towards the lobby instead. "Is it not natural for an advisor to show concern for her client's well-being when said client comes to her literally dripping with minotaur blood?"

I can't help but letting the smirk on my lips grow even larger at the sight of her pouting.

"Seriously, Tuelle-san?" My voice comes out sounding rather unimpressed, which is good, because I _am_ rather unimpressed by the half elf's strategy. "As cute as you are, pouting at me like that isn't going to get me to stop."

On any normal day, I probably would've been inclined to cease my charge towards complete verbal domination, but unluckily for you, cute girl-san, my day has been the absolute farthest thing from normal. A couple hours ago, I was a deus ex machina away from being cleaved in two by a mob that shouldn't have been there to begin with-definitely not the events that make up your typical day. So, my apologies Tuelle-san. There shall be no mercy for you this day.

In response to me calling her out, I notice the half elf's pout grow in size, which only made the smirk on my lips want to grow in size.

Letting out an exasperated sigh through her mouth, I hear her grumble something bitterly to herself. "Ugh, why did I have to get stuck with such a difficult client?"

"Oi, you're going to need to talk quieter if you don't want me to hear you," I inform her, even though I'm pretty sure she meant for me to overhear what she just said about me. "I'm sitting right here, y'know?"

"My apologies, Hikigaya-san," Tuelle-san said with a clear tinge of sarcasm in her voice. "I'm just having a bit of trouble with this new client of mine. It's just that he's only been an adventurer for a week and he's already managed to give me more trouble than a lot of my more experienced clients somehow."

Hm, so that's your response? For some reason, I expected a much more violent response–wait, that's not true. I know exactly why I thought a punch to the stomach was coming. I guess you need a few more years on your belt before you start becoming willing to hit a minor to win an argument.

"Oi, don't talk to me as if I'm not here." I'm quick with my retort. "Also, who exactly are you talking to if you're ignoring the fact that I'm here? The air?" I turn my gaze off to the side as I speak. "Why, I didn't know that my advisor was actually crazy. Hm, I knew that all those good things I heard about you just had to be too good to be true."

"So, Hikigaya-kun!" The sudden shift in the air around me and the also sudden increase in the volume of her voice instantly tells me that it probably wouldn't be wise to continue on with my snarking. "Did you happen to learn anything from your experience today?"

Yep, that's a sign that I should definitely stop with the snarking. While I do love being a complete asshole to somebody who totally doesn't deserve it, I also enjoyed having enough money to feed myself more and pissing off someone who works at the place that handled quite literally all of my money wouldn't help that effort in any way.

That's definitely not to say that I expected the half elf to do anything if I did piss her off. I'm not typically somebody who put a ton of stock into others' opinions, but after getting what was effectively the same answer from more than just a few people, I had to assume that there was a little truth to what they told me. Still, better to be safe than sorry.

Now, with all of that out the way, back to the question at hand. So, what _did_ I learn today?

Looking back at things, the answer seems to be: quite a bit. Firstly, I now know that Tuelle-san doesn't know how to take criticism (lol). I also now know what a mind out felt like. Then there's the clear power distinction between the levels one and six. Most importantly, however, I finally learned what the one skill I started out with does.

"Yeah," I answer with no plans of elaborating on all the things I just mentioned whatsoever.

There was no strategic reason behind me doing so. I did it more for efficiency's sake, really. A lot of the things, except the very last one, that I just listed was information that could be easily pulled out from my earlier explanation of what happened.

No reason to have to overly explain something in this situation. Well, actually, there was a reason, but it mainly involved a bunch of meta garbage about this world being a light novel and the fact that there were probably a good deal of readers bitching about its story being too vague, while it's purposefully attempting be that way. **[5]**

"Good," Tuelle says with a nod, "so what did you learn?"

Blinking owlishly at my advisor, I say nothing back. She blinks back, which prompts another blink and bout of silence from me.

We ended up staying like that for awhile.

* * *

Everyone has a dream. This unrealistic ideal scenario that one desperately wants to achieve. Be it becoming an astronaut or harem-king, it didn't matter. Everyone has a dream that they wanted to fulfill, even a monster of logic like myself. **[6]**

What dream did a self-proclaimed monster of logic have? Well, it was my dream to stay at home all day and keep a tidy home while my wife went out to perform her corporate slave duties. To put things as bluntly as possible, I wanted to be a househusband.

Why was _that_ , of all things, my dream? It was partly due to my hatred for the corporate slave culture that plagued my beloved home country of Japan, and mainly due to my unwillingness to have my soul slowly sucked from body like my parents. Oh, and also laziness. Me being a lazy ass was a big contributor to that dream as well.

Sure, I would still have to do housework, but having to do stuff like clean some rooms and cooking food every day was much better than having to do mindless paperwork for eight or more hours a day, everyday until I was sixty-five.

It was an utterly unattainable dream for me to achieve back in my world–a fact that was only made more clear to me by the fact that I was forced into a career of killing monsters for a living–but I was now, at the very least, getting an opportunity to simulate what living out my dream would be like thanks to the absence of a certain oppai-loli.

Despite the fact that I came home from the dungeon much later than I usually would-I didn't feel tired at all after waking up from that mind out for some reason and so, I kept grinding after I left Wallenstein-my kami-sama still wasn't back from that part-time she talked about earlier.

Usually, when I came back from the dungeon, I would swing by the _Hostess of Fertility_ , buy some heavily discounted food and bring some back for her to eat, but by the time I departed from the guild building, the sun had begun to set and I knew that the evening drunks would roll into the tavern.

Being someone who preferred to eat in silence, I was already having a hard enough time eating in the rather popular when it opened for lunch, but to have to eat in a place filled to the brim with roaring drunks? I'd much rather go through the trouble of going out to the market, buying some cheap ingredients and making us two some curry.

Of course, I could've always bought my food and took it home with me, but I didn't want to have to explain why my clothes were covered in minotaur blood again. Flova's friend might find something humorous in me almost being killed and having the only clothes I owned ruined, but Flova herself definitely wouldn't, which would, in turn, upset her blonde friend for reasons that I'm quite sure involved lilies. **[7]**

All of that was just way too much trouble to go through for something to eat. So, again, I took all of the extra money I got from today's grinding session-all of the money I got from the crystal Wallenstein gave to me went into my account at the guild-and used it to buy all that I needed to make curry.

By the time I got back, I was carrying an old pot filled with a bunch of odds and ends that were necessary for my quest to make dinner.

Now, I was standing in an empty corner of the abandoned church that sat above me and kami-sama's basement home, clad in nothing but the pair of pants that Tuelle-san had lent to me and a raggedy apron that I bought with all the rest of the stuff solely because it was on the cheap side of things, watching over a pot filled with curry as it simmered high above the fire I had started with some of the broken wood pieces that were strewn about the inside and outside of the church.

Lightly stirring the brown concoction in front of me, I let a small smile crawl onto my lips.

Why? I was getting the opportunity to live out a long-time dream of mine! Of course I would smile as I did so!

"Ugh…" A long, drawn-out, clearly feminine groan drew my attention away from my curry, "…the things I do to support my only child."

Hearing that sentence come out the mouth of my kami-sama made me grimace a bit. Once again, I was reminded of my feelings about a goddess like kami-sama having to work for a steady source of income.

Well, it was a good thing I decided to cook today. Surely, the thought of her only child slaving away in the kitchen to cook for her would surely make lift her spirits some! If not, then I'll be just like all my other stay-at-home counterparts before me and be content with just the fact that she did not go to bed hungry.

'Tis is the life of a househusband, after all! I must not complain, no matter how much she neglects me. You've been neglected all your life, Hachiman! This should be no different!

Hearing the sound of the somewhat broken church doors creaking open, I turn my head to confirm that my kami-sama is indeed there.

When my eyes finally locked onto hers, I find that she is indeed there and that she's staring at me with her mouth agape, looking at me as if I were some sort alien creature.

"What?" I ask after tilting my head to the side, blinking at the goddess owlishly.

Before I knew it, my kami-sama was upon me, jumping up and wrapping her arms around my head. Doing so with enough force, that it actually knocked me down to the ground.

Head now firmly encapsulated by a pillowy warmth, I could just barely hear my kami-sama squeal at the top of her lungs, "Aww, how thoughtful of you, Hachiman-kun~!"

Yeah, yeah, I know that I'm being immensely thoughtful. You don't need to remind me of it. Now, please get off me before my heads start to get too big, alright. **[8]**

 **-Chapter End-**

So, I ended this chapter with Hachiman doing a kind of "naked apron"-kind of thing. I'm really not building Hachiman as a really strong character, am I? Again, don't worry. We'll get there eventually. I have plenty of badass stuff for 8-man to do. Trust me.

Also, I'm sort of need of cover art for this story. PM me if you're interested. It doesn't have to be real fancy. Just something to set this story apart from the others.

 **-References-**

 **[1]:** Personally, I don't think a word like 'yo' in fantasy setting like this. I mean, the word originates from the 1940's.

 **[2]:** Yay! Jokes that only a twelve year old would laugh at!

 **[3]:** Yay! The set up to the first scene of the alternative, smut version of this story!

 **[4]:** OOOOOHHHHHH! DID HACHIMAN JUST BATMAN WALLENSTEIN?!

 **[5]:** Yeah! I'm edgy and self-aware! You got a problem with that?

 **[6]:** You all get the harem-king reference, right? It was from that anime/manga series with all the demon girls, boobs and stuff. You get what I'm talking about, right?

 **[7]:** Ah, lilies… The biggest adversary of the harem protagonist.

 **[8]:** Yay! Even more jokes that only a twelve year old would laugh at!


	4. Chapter 4: Women are Terrifying

Yo, what's up guys. I'm back, this time a little bit early, with a new chapter for all of you guys to look at. Not a significantly long chapter, unfortunately. Actually, if you compare it to the three other chapters, this is pretty much the shortest one I've made so far, just barely eeking by the four thousand word minimum.

Why is this chapter so short? Well, I've just been taking it really easy this month for some reason. I don't really know why, but I've just been super lazy. Hopefully things change, but don't count on it.

So, without further ado, let's get this mother started! Why am I being so energetic?! I don't know! Someone please stop me!

 **-Mandatory Disclaimer-**

I've really stopped caring about what I put here. So, know that I fully support the potatoes in their uprising against the Irish. They've been held down for too long.

 **-Chapter 4: Usually, All Women are Terrifying-**

In the seventeen years I've spent being alive, I've never come across a woman who wasn't absolutely terrifying.

There was Yukinoshita, the woman who had a glare so icy, that it could freeze entire glaciers; there was Yuigahama, the girl who could sway the coldest of hearts with her words and facial expressions; there was Isshiki, the kouhai who had the heart of a fox buried deep in her chest; et cetera, et cetera. I could probably go on and on all day, listing off all the women I believed to be more frightening than anything I've seen in a horror…well, anything, but unfortunately, I neither had the time or energy to do so.

Why? Well, the devil woman standing in front of me had a lot to do with that fact.

"…" I blink at aforementioned devil woman, still completely dumbfounded by her sudden presence at me and my kami-sama's rundown church home's doorstep.

"Ah, Hikigaya-san, so you _are_ still alive?" My eyes narrow instinctively after hearing that jab come from her mouth. "Well, that's a surprise. After you failed to show up the earlier night, I fully believed that the dungeon had decided to stop playing around and made you into one of its newest victims."

Sliding my head a little further back behind the safety of the church's front door, I ask a question that desperately needed answering, "Lyon, how did you know that I lived here?"

"Please, Hikigaya-san, spare me that disgusted look of yours," the blonde-elf spat-told me in a way that made my skin crawl with irritation. It was irritating partly because it reeked of a self-imposed superiority over me, and also because it reminded me of a certain ice queen I used to know. "I have done nothing to warrant the use of such a noxious deterrent against me."

I can't help but scoff a little at the waitress's supposed innocence. "'Done nothing,' huh?"

"I'm sorry, but are you actually putting my innocence into question?" Just like always, absolutely not a single part of her face moves, despite the clear irritation that presented itself in her voice. For some reason, seeing her face do that fills me with a profound sense of want. If I had to describe what it felt like, it was sort of like having to watch an anime series end in a season with a cliffhanger. It both invigorated and infuriated me deeply.

"Yeah, of course I did," As I say that, my body subconsciously steps out from the protective barrier that was my home's rotting wood door. For what reason, I'm not entirely sure myself, but there was just something about my current situation that eased my earlier paranoia. "Did you not hear me, or something, Lyon? Huh, I never would've thought that a member of the elves would ever have to deal with something like deafness."

"Are you truly trying to attack me by attacking my race? How deplorable." Aha! Good try, but you're not fooling me, Lyon. I can see through your attempts to hide your irritation! You can't hide something like your brows tilting down a near-miniscule amount from these eyes! They were tailor-made to spot weak points like that! "Then again, it was probably presumptuous of me to think a street-urchin like yourself would be able to display even a modicum of civility."

"Hah? A lecture on civility coming from the woman who decided it necessary to come to my home _uninvited_ and say such disparaging remarks against my person?" I can't help but smirk as that retort slips out from my mouth. "A little hypocritical there, don't you think?"

"'Disparaging remarks'?" She shoots back without missing a beat. "I remember doing nothing of the sort."

"Then, what exactly would you call referring to me as a 'street-urchin' earlier? If that isn't what you would call 'disparaging', then you need to replace the dictionary you're getting all your insults from."

"For self-defense, of course. I immediately felt threatened when I saw those disgusting eyes of yours fall upon me, so, of course, I retaliated. I am sure you would have done the same if you were in my place."

"Oi, stop making yourself seem like the victim here. I'm not the person here who went behind someone's back to find out where they lived."

"Hmph, throwing around such baseless accusations. I have never done such a thing in my life, especially for someone like yourself."

"Then, how are you here? Last time I checked, I never told anyone at the Hostess about where I lived. The only reasonable explanation is that you went and got that information behind my back at some point."

" _Or_ , it could be that your memory has decided to take after your eyes' example and decided it best to turn itself into absolute, fetid garbage."

"Really? Back to the hypocrisy so soon, Lyon? You just lashed out at me for 'throwing around baseless accusations' and now, when I actually give you proper reasoning, you throw it all back in my face and insult me even further."

"'Proper reasoning'? Is that what you call the lies that spewed forth from your mouth e—?"

"—mouuu…" Suddenly, a sort of quiet, low moaning noise was let out from the room that was directly behind me, causing a cold shiver to run up and down the length of my spine and all snarking going on between me and Lyon to cease immediately, which, in turn, snapped the two of us out of the little world we had locked ourselves during the course of our argument. I suppose that I was so locked—Wait, when did Lyon get this close to me?!

I hadn't noticed this at first because I was so caught up in the flow of our verbal squabble, but Ryuu Lyon was standing right in front of me. Like, right, _right_ in front of me! Really, the only thing that separated our chests from being pressed up against one another was an inch or two of empty air.

How the hell does something like this happen without either one of us noticing? Lyon-san, I thought you were supposed to be repulsed by the sheer thought of me! I know that you're a proven hypocrite, but now this is taking it too far! You're just being a liar at this point!

"Hachiman-kun~!" T-that voice… That couldn't be the voice of my kami-sama-the greatest and most gracious kami-sama in all Orario-could it? "Why, look at you getting chummy with some random maid I've never met or seen before!" **[1]**

N-no! T-that can't possibly be my kami-sama! My kami-sama would never say something so utterly terrifying! She's nothing but a bountiful ball of cheer and positivity! An absolute joy to be around! Nothing could ever top her! _Ever_!

"Hm? Why are you being so quiet? There's no need to be ashamed, Hachiman-kun." Another point of evidence in favor of my earlier point! My kami-sama would never tell me such a clear, bold-faced lie. She's the very picture of honesty!

Slowly and surely, I turned my head to look over my shoulder, towards where that voice had originated from. There, I found a being who very much resembled my kami-sama, but just didn't quite match up with the image I had of her in my head.

The woman behind me was smiling at me like my kami-sama always would, but there was just something about her smile that terrified me to no end. There was a malice behind it, almost as if she were telling me that a great reckoning was soon to befall one of us. If it was meant for me or the elf standing before me, I didn't know, but what I did know was that this kind of behavior definitely wasn't like my kami-sama.

I was now fairly sure that the person poking her head out from behind the door wasn't the kami-sama who snuggle—I mean, shared the couch with me last night. No, this woman was completely different. She might look identical to her, but I was fairly sure that if I were to dip a heated, iron rod into a pool of her blood, it'd proceed to jump right back up at me. **[2]**

"Um…" Voice, the hell do you think you're doing?! You're supposed to be spewing out all of the complementary garbage I was saying in my mind earlier, not trailing off in utter terror! Come on, come on! Do something! "…um…"

Dammit, what did I just say?!

"My apologies for the intrusion, Hestia-sama." Taking a step away from me and bowing her head, Lyon said that in what I assumed to be the tone she used with everyone in the world not named Hikigaya Hachiman. "It was not my intention to disturb you this early in the morning. I only came here to confirm the well being of Hikigaya-san for a friend of mine."

"Hm, 'a friend of yours', huh?" My kami-sama shot back at the blonde elf skeptically. She even puffed her cheeks out and put her hands onto her hips to emphasize that point. "So, maid-san, who are you and why didn't your 'friend' come to check up on _my_ child herself?"

Hm, for some reason, I feel as though there's more to what you're saying than what you're letting on, kami-sama. You should really try and fix the way you phrase things, otherwise people are going to get the wrong idea about us, y'know?

"Ah, my name is Ryuu Lyon and my friend is currently at work helping my other coworkers prepare the tavern, in which we both work for business, so she requested me to come here in her stead." The elven maid raised her head as she said all of that.

"Hm…" My kami-sama narrowed her eyes at aforementioned elf, very clearly unconvinced by what the maid had just said to her. For her part, Lyon didn't even flinch when faced with the goddess's glare. Actually, she really didn't do much at all other than blink owlishly at my kami-sama.

Oi, Lyon, you trying to pick a fight, woman? At the very least acknowledge my kami-sama when she's angry at you. Simply bowing your head in apology isn't going to be enough here, get down on your hands and knees and go full dogeza this instant, or I swear to the gods that roamed the very same streets as us, there'll be consequences!

Oh, wait. I completely forgot who I'm talking to. Ryuu Lyon, despite her current occupation, had absolutely no reason to fear me at all. To her, I was nothing more than a leech that had latched itself onto someone close to her–that, incidentally enough, was also the only reason she put up with my presence in the first place. She knew that, despite my recent acquirement of a falna and subsequent advancement into a being much more powerful than your average person, she could dispose of me whenever she deemed fit.

Why? Well, I had a theory. I was fairly sure that Ryuu Lyon was–just like her boss Mama Mia, or Mia Grand, as I'm told is her actual name–at one point or another an adventurer.

Did I have proof to back up that conclusion? Admittedly, no, I did not. It was mainly just gut instinct that made me believe that. Sure, there were instances where her being an ex-adventurer just made sense–like when I met her for the first time and she just conveniently had all the information I needed to become an adventurer.

How did she know all of that? I'm not entirely sure. All of what she told me could've been common knowledge, for all I knew, but I'm sure that it had to mean something. Like, it could've been some sort of subtle nudge by the author to the reader that only—Pft, who am I kidding?! There's no way a light novel author of all people would even attempt to do something as clever as that! Weirdly enough, I'm not even saying that to disparage authors of light novels at all–even the weakest writers could do something as simple as foreshadow a future plot point, since all that really took was the ability to plan ahead, and most people had that ability naturally.

No, with this jab, I was specifically targeting the fan base of the light novel industry itself. Sure, blame partly resided with the authors as they did help to cultivate that kind of culture, but if the buyers didn't indirectly permit such mediocrity by buying it then things would be different.

No, though. Now, we have stories that go from point A to point B–simply going through the motions with stories that lacked an ounce of subtlety. All because the common consumer continued to fail in realizing that they could easily change things by simply not buying it.

Money made the world go round, after all. If someone argued otherwise then good for that person for being so naive. Nowadays, money meant absolutely everything–well actually, it meant everything ever since it was first come up with, but that was a point for another rant, for another day.

If people boycotted all light novels–except for the ones renowned for being more clever than the rest, of course–then publishers would see that there was no money to be made in all the shitty light novels and proceed to phase them out for the more intelligent stories being told. Then, the authors who were now without a job would be forced to either develop better writing habits or leave the writing scene completely, thus weeding out the weak-willed.

It was a harsh system, but theoretically, as long as people made informed, intelligent decisions with their money and funded the authors who put great deals of thought and effort into what they wrote, then it'd work.

Was that kind of thought process idealistic? Yeah, but that was because an idea like that took people _not_ being idiots and frankly, speaking, that was impossible. People, in general, are completely idiotic creatures.

Hell, even I, the person reciting this rant, used to go down to my local convenience store and buy one of those trashy light novels, and if that wasn't idiotic behavior, then maybe I wasn't as good at the liberal arts as I thought I was.

…

Hm, why do I feel like I strayed off from the topic I was originally thinking about? On that note, what _was_ I originally thinking about? It had something to do with people being idiots, I'm pretty sure. No, wait… That's not quite it.

Damn. It isn't like me to go off on such a tangent. I hate to say this, as I already have to do a lot of work down in the dungeon and the last thing I want to do give myself even more, but it looks like I'm going to have to do a few practice essays when I'm next free to sharpen up my argument skills.

I'm going to need them if I'm going to keep up with that bi— Oh, wait, that's what I was thinking about earlier: the futility of me trying to stand up to her for my kami-sama's— Wait, I don't remember that conversation ever ending. Doesn't that mean that I'm still in the middle of talking to them?

Blinking myself out from my own thoughts, I half expected to find the two of them staring up at me expectantly, waiting for the answer to a question they asked and I missed while I was buried in thought. That would then either lead to my kami-sama pouting at me for not paying attention to what she was saying, or bitch-elf incarnate doing what came natural to her and being a bitch, or–and I had my money on this one–both at the same time!

If I was writing this scene, that's what I would do as it would give me the option to save time and effort, and just have the two of them tell a summarized version of what they were talking about. Logically speaking, doing that was a lot easier than having to come up with a bunch of dialogue and having characters say it. It was also a little more natural than flat out cutting away to a point where the conversation was over and everyone knew what was going on, except for the reader.

Surprisingly enough, the two of them hadn't moved an inch from when I was last paying attention. They were still just staring at each other. My kami-sama was still looking at Lyon like she just implied she had the biggest chest, and the elf was still looking at my kami-sama like nothing had been said between the two of them at all.

Hm, I wonder how much time has passed? Must have not been a lot considering neither of them moved at all, or, at least, I'm hoping that's the case and the three of us didn't just stand around, completely still and silent, for however long I was out of it for. Otherwise, thank Buddha that the church is located in a secluded part of Orario, wouldn't want to be labeled as some sort of crazy person. The last thing I need is to be forced to wear clothes to keep my identity hidden, after all.

Having to do something like that would just be way too much of a pain to have to keep up with, especially for someone as lazy as me. Sure, the prospect of wearing a face mask was appealing in itself as it'd most definitely make me look cool and mysterious, but something like that would probably only draw more attention my way then divert it like it was supposed to.

Clearing my throat, I quickly gained both of their attention. "Um, Lyon, you can go back to the Hostess and tell Flova that I'll be there like usual. I'll explain everything once I'm there. I just need to swing by the guild building before I do so."

"Understood. Make sure to keep to your word this time, Hikigaya-san." With a sharp nod of her head and quick, polite bow being directed towards my kami-sama, the blonde elf turned on a heel and began walking away.

I narrowed my eyes at the green-clad figure as she grew further and further away. Mentally, I vowed to get her back for that indirect jab she threw at me with both her words, and _actions_ , just there.

"Hey, Hachiman-kun…" Ah, damn. That thing wearing my kami-sama's skin was back. Well, goodbye Komachi, MAXX coffee, and all the other people I've grown close to from my old world, I'm going to die soon. "…do you have a thing for maids, or something?"

"…" Turning my gaze to look down at my kami-sama, I shot her a questioning look.

What the hell does something like that have to do with anything, woman?

* * *

If I had to describe the relationship that existed between me and Syr Flova, I honestly wouldn't know how to begin doing so.

I didn't particularly dislike the maid at all. In all actuality, I found that she reminded me of an irritating kouhai of mine from back in my world, though, granted, it was in all the wrong ways.

At first, I thought her nothing more than a nice girl who saw someone in clear need of aid and, out of pity, went to go help, but I very quickly realized that there was **much** more to her than the side of her she chose to me.

Underneath that bubbly, kind exterior I could tell that there was a fox trying her damnedest to get close to me.

How did I know that? Well, I saw plenty of it from that kouhai I had been referred to earlier. Of course, she never directed any of it towards me as I'm the walking embodiment of what all girls avoided in a man, but I still saw plenty of it during the times she would hopelessly chase after my anti-thesis–the living embodiment of what most girls looked for in a man–the riajuu prince of Sobu High, Hayato Hayama. Many times, she'd go completely out of her way to please him, and that was exactly what Flova was doing with me, I've noticed.

Initially, I dispelled that thought, immediately thinking that there was no way someone like her would look at me of all people in _that_ light and that she was only helping me out of pity, just like the nice girl I took her for upon our initial meeting. However, I quickly realized that wasn't the case with her at all.

After all I've seen of her, it was safe to conclude that Syr Flova, underneath her soft and cuddly outer shell, was as sly as any fox. Not that I really cared about that, though. As long as she keeps on making me lunch every morning, I could really care less.

Disgusting and hypocritical as I may find it, I needed to keep her helping me. Money wasn't a commodity that I had the luxury to waste, even with the recent transfusion of money I got from Wallenstein. So, if saving a few vali every day meant leading a foxy, but overall decent girl on, I'd do it–even if it made me hate myself just a little bit.

Well, I suppose that, in terms of despicable things I could be doing to the unsuspecting cute girls, this was probably the least morally-bankrupt thing I could be doing with my time. Not that thinking like that made me feel any better about myself or what I was doing. No, that task belonged to something else entirely.

What was that 'something else' I was talking about? Well, it was the reason why I left home with one of the lidded, wooden boxes that my handmade lunches came in.

"Good morning, Hikigaya-kun~! How come you didn't—?"

"—here." Abruptly, I cut her off by shoving aforementioned bowl into her hands. "Take this."

Looking down at the box and then back at me, the maid asks, "What is it?"

Shifting where I stand, I avert my eyes away from hers. "It's curry. I ended up making too much last night, so… Here. Take it."

With every word that slipped out of my mouth, I was reminded of how I was just stringing this girl along. It made me absolutely sick.

"A-alright!" Dammit. She was absolutely beaming at me now. Stop looking so cute, will you? You're only making me feel worse about myself. "T-thank you, H-Hikigaya-kun! I'll be sure to tell you what I think of it later tonight!"

"Yeah, I'll see you then." Without ever putting my eyes back on her again, I turn on a heel and start hurriedly making my way towards the tavern's exit.

…

Man, it was such a good thing that I chose to become an adventurer because I really, _really_ needed to start grinding after that.

 **-Chapter End-**

Chapter. Done.

…

Fuck, I think I spent all my energy in that earlier author's note.

P.S: Remember, feel free to head over to the forum and talk about the new chapter. I'm just going to, y'know, throw that out there... Just in case if some of you were unaware.

 **-References-**

 **[1]:** Yandere Oppai-Lolis are the scariest Oppai-Lolis.

 **[2]:** I'm referencing "John Carpenter's The Thing". If you didn't know that, I honestly feel very sad for you.


	5. Omake 1: New Game (rewrite)

Hey guys, look. It's 2017 now. We should probably celebrate that. 'Cause, y'know, the year is no longer 2016, which is always a good thing.

Anyway, as you can see, this isn't a new chapter to the story. This is just a rewrite of the first omake I wrote for Sage_of_Eyes story back at the beginning of last year.

Why am I giving you this instead of a new chapter? Well, it's because I'm currently really busy with the two-year anniversary of my most popular story on the site and I've already burdened myself with a metric shit ton of work. To sum it up, I have to go through and rewrite six chapters of at least eight thousand words and more; I'm also going to have to write two pieces of original content of at least five thousand, all of which due by sometime in February.

So, yeah. A lot of work I have to do. Not to come off as whiny or anything, but this is really all I can do right now to give you guys content without just flat overwhelming myself with work. I'm also probably going to be doing the same next month too until the date of the anniversary passes.

Just to note, before we go in, I did make a lot of changes from the original omake. Here's a list:

1.) The story begins at the end of 11.3 of Sage's story.

2.) I'm going to decrease the amount of people from Orario.

3.) There are no longer three elf waifus in the same class.

4.) Uh…those are all the changes.

 **-Mandatory Disclaimer-**

No, I refuse. I. Fucking. Refuse.

 **-The Return to My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU as Expected, Doesn't Go as Expected: Part 1: Somehow, I Get a New Game+ Experience-**

Sleep.

Unlike my past days of being a slacker/loner in my hometown of Chiba City, Chiba Prefecture, Japan; sleep has come to me very rarely nowadays.

Why? Well, this was a fact unknown by no one other than myself (hopefully), but I happened to be the proud owner of the extremely overpowered skill _Conscienta Strenuissium_ -a skill that pretty much gave me infinite mind, which meant that I could use as much magic as I wanted, when I wanted without ever having to deal with any negative side effects that were usually attributed to magic overuse.

As I stated earlier, my first ever skill was extremely overpowered. Not _just_ because of the fact that I could easily spam my magic out for long periods of time if I so wanted to, mind you. The skill had plenty of side effects that made it even more useful to me than it already was. One of said side effects being the ability to go great lengths of time without sleep-a side effect that came about because of the fact I had infinite mind.

In Orario, the term mind didn't just refer to how much magic someone could use. It also referred to the amount of stress one's head could take before finally petering out and turning into nothing more than an useless pile of mush. So, that meant someone with infinite amounts of mind, someone like myself, could theoretically go forever without the need to rest their brain-rest, of course, being sleep in this particular scenario as that was literally the only way to turn your brain off… Without, y'know, straight up dying.

Now, with my mind being infinite, that meant that the only thing dictating to me when I needed to sleep was my body and, since years of being an adventurer had gifted me the physical endurance far beyond anything your average human was capable of, I really didn't need to sleep much at all.

Two hours everyday, to be exact. That's all the sleep I needed to function nowadays-something I liked very much as that usually gave me around twenty-two hours a day to spend as I so pleased.

In the past, I'd usually spend those free hours in the dungeon feeding my bank account vast amounts of money and reviewing the notes I jotted down during said excursions down into the dungeon. If I wasn't doing either of those things, then I'd probably be doing anything I could to just to keep myself occupied.

Cleaning and organizing my belongings, exercising and improving my body, or just flat out going outside for a walk and interacting with people (translation: swindling the unsuspecting public into giving me all of their hard-earned money and beating up criminals). If it could take up my time and focus for a little bit, I'd do it just to do so. I couldn't afford to waste a second anymore. I absolutely needed to be doing something with every moment of my time, no matter what it was, which, of course, meant no more slacking off.

Ah, only if Komachi could see me now! She would've been so proud of her onii-chan that she might've actually stopped calling me 'gomi-chan' if she ever found out how much more productive I've become! She might even start breaking into tears of joy at the thought!

So, what, with my twenty-two hours of free time I had to spend, was I currently doing right now to keep myself body?

Truth be told, despite all that I said about not wasting a single moment of my time, I wasn't currently doing anything at all. Mainly because I was sure that I had just woken up from what was probably a several day long coma not a few seconds ago-strictly in terms of my consciousness as I have yet to pry my eyes open to reveal that I was somewhere else from where I last remembered myself being.

How did I know that? Well, the fact that the last thing I remember doing was going out into a death trap to save one of my students, getting severely injured while doing so, and passing out due to blood loss probably played into that thought process. I mean, it would've taken someone being completely unfamiliar with light novels in general to not guess that classic, played-out trope was being put in play.

It was just a good thing that I already knew that it was Zaimokuza writing this light novel series because if it was someone else, I would have to think about the possibility of something unique and original happening to me when I opened my eyes.

Speaking of what would happen when I finally opened my eyes, I was really curious as to what exactly would happen when I did so. Mainly because there was something wrong with my bed. I didn't notice it earlier, but now after laying here conscious, but with my eyes closed it for a while, I realized that there was definitely something wrong with it.

I've slept in the same bed ever since I first rented the room from Grande all those years ago, so I would definitely know what it feels like by now and whatever was currently underneath me, definitely wasn't _that_ bed, which surprised me considering I fully expected my cohorts to take me back to it while I was unconscious. If not then, either one of two things happened.

Either I haven't been unconscious long enough for them to bring me back to my rented home, or my allies didn't bring me back to the inn for whatever reason. If the prior happened to be the case then Zaimokuza, good job, you've finally did something somewhat unique and interesting with your writing for once. If the latter was the case, then I really need to start drilling more of my philosophies into their skulls—that, or I need to start looking for better lackeys to keep me and Cranel alive, because, clearly, Zaimokuza doesn't give enough of a damn about them to keep their intelligence levels consistent.

It was odd though. The bed that was under me… It gave me this weird feeling. Nostalgia, maybe?

No, if I was indeed lying on a different bed than my one at the inn, then how would it ever be able to elicit nostalgia from me? Something like that, by the word's very definition, shouldn't even be possible. So, what in the hell was going on?

Zaimokuza, you tubby, chunni bastard, what are you planning? Is all of this vagueness on purpose, or are you so incompetent a writer that you can't even pull something as simple as a 'character waking up from an injury-induced coma'-scene off? Seriously, how much more do I have to gripe before you realize that you aren't good at writing? Save the both of us the trouble and just give up already!

…

Eh, whatever. Best not to hang myself up on Zaimokuza and his incompetence. I need to hurry up and open my eyes, so I can figure out why whatever I'm laying on is making me feel so freaking nostalgic. Besides, I can always just use this frustration I'm feeling to help me kill Zaimokuza harder when I get back home.

* * *

When I was finally able to force my eyes open, I was immediately met with the sight of a ceiling and for the first time in my life, I can freely admit that I was caught off-guard by something as bland as a ceiling.

It was weird. Instead of finding a ceiling that was the same color as the wooden boards that made up my room, I found a ceiling that was painted the kind of white that could only appear after years and the paint had long lost its luster.

Overall, it was dull, bland and, just like the bed that was under me, it felt strangely familiar to me. Almost as if I've already seen it somewhere before.

From where, though? That was the question that refused to leave my mind. Not because I couldn't come up with an answer to it, but because I felt like the answer was right on the tip of my tongue and for some unknown reason, it wouldn't come to me.

Seriously, where have I seen this ceiling before? Come on Hachiman, remember!

 _Tap, tap, tap._

Wait, what the hell? Are those footsteps? Dammit. Did I really get so caught up in trying to remember this ceiling that I nearly managed to miss something like that?

 _Sigh._

It was a good thing that years of grinding in the dungeon have long since attuned my ears to pick up such noises. Otherwise, I would've missed them and the fact they were heading right for me entirely, which is most definitely a good thing considering my current condition. You know, with me just coming out from a coma and all.

Oh, wait. That's right. I just woke up from a coma, didn't I? Hm, if that's the case, then how come I don't feel any different from before? I know that I don't have a great deal of experience having to deal with this kind of thing (thankfully), but shouldn't I be feeling a lot worse?

Thinking about it, I just went through a grueling, physically intensive fight that ended up costing me my left arm! How come I don't feel any different from when I had a full night's sleep? Even my left side feels no different from—

Wait, what?

Before I can even send the signals from my brain to tell them to do so, my head and eyes turn towards where I know my left arm shouldn't be… Only to find it laying there, completely fine, like nothing ever happened to it in the first place.

What…? Just…what?

Just to make sure that substantial blood loss wasn't causing me to hallucinate, I flexed my left hand, balling it into a tight fist and only stopping when I felt my fingernails start to draw blood.

H-how was this even possible? Did someone use a limb regeneration spell on me while I was unconscious, or something? Possible, but who would go through the trouble of doing such a thing, especially for me of all people?

To get and perform something like that, I know wasn't an easy task. Most likely, they'd first have to place an order at the only (somewhat) reputable source for the spell, Leona, over at the _Witch's Secret House,_ which I'm sure, knowing that greedy old crone, cost whoever bought it a ridiculously large sum of money. Then, they'd need someone with the amount of mind to be able to cast the spell without straight up killing themselves from exhaustion, which, by the way, was probably just like its price in terms of quantity.

So, that basically narrowed the field down to anyone rich, in contact with someone who could use such a spell, and cared about my well-being for whatever reason. That means all of my students and Crozzo are pretty much out of contention as none of them have the mind, or the amount of money. The few people I know from the Loki familia could most definitely be behind my arm suddenly being back, but I question if they'd actually go out of their way to do something like that for me. I mean, I'm sure that they would like to do so, but I don't know if their goddess would be willing to spend money on someone that wasn't even in her familia.

Despite me training those level-2's of hers, Loki did still run a familia, which still needed to make a profit at the end of the day and, as someone who also liked turning a profit everyday, I can understand her, not wanting to spend any money on me if she chose to do so.

Did I like it? Nope, not at all and if I find out that this is the truth, I absolutely intend on using this against the goddess sometime in the future. Still wouldn't blame her for it, though.

So, who does that leave? Hecate-sama? Her familia does have the highest concentration of mages in all of Orario, so I can definitely see her doing something like—

"Onii-chan~!" My entire body immediately froze when I heard that all too familiar squeal. "Wake up, onii-chan~! You don't want to let the breakfast your adorable little sister made you get cold, do you?"

W-wait, that's… H-how…?

Before I could even fully comprehend what just hit my eardrums, I hear the sound of what sounds like a doorknob being twisted open, which immediately triggers my instincts and forces my body into action. In less than a second, my focus was ripped away from my newly-regenerated arm and put onto the direction the noise had come from, which, incidentally, was also the same direction the footsteps were coming from.

The moment I do so, I'm immediately met with something moving towards me at high speeds. Having already grown used to the extremely quick movements of the monsters in the dungeon, the incoming projectile looked like it was going in slow motion and yet, I still allowed myself to get hit by it. Mainly because what was going to was something I missed greatly. So much so, that I wouldn't even let the basest of my survival instincts ruin it for me.

It hit me like a feather and it didn't make me budge an inch from where I sat, but it still felt like I was hit in the head by a bag of boulders discus-thrown by one of the Hiryutes.

"Come on~!" I couldn't stop the smile from growing on my lips in response to hearing that voice for the first time in near four years. "It's time to get up, onii—!"

Before I can even think about how out of the blue, or just plain out of character my next actions would seem, I found my arms wrapping around the being that had just thrown herself at me like she had done so many times in the past, embracing her in the way only a big brother who hadn't seen his dear little sister in almost four years could replicate.

"Um… Is everything alright, onii-chan?" I heard her ask as I buried my head into her shoulder. Chuckling awkwardly a little bit, she then continued, "Komachi knows that onii-chan loves Komachi, but isn't this taking things a bit too far?" Immediately after saying that, she tries to pull away, but I pull her back before she can do so, my grip on her only tightening. "O-onii-chan…?"

I'm terribly sorry about this, Komachi. Just bear with onii-chan's odd behavior for a little while longer. He's almost done— Alright, better stop that train of thought there! That was starting to become something that reminded me of way too many a doujin than I was comfortable with!

…

 _Sigh._

Alright, time to reset everything here. Where am I and what's my current situation?

First things first, I'm sitting in my childhood bedroom, hugging my little sister. So, it's pretty safe to assume that I'm back in my world now.

How was that possible though? I have no idea, but I can't deny the fact that I _am_ indeed back in my original world. Unless, of course, this is all just some sort of elaborate dream, or magic trick meant to lure me into a false sense of security, though I don't know who I pissed off to warrant such— Wait, no, scratch that. I probably have a very, _very_ long list of people that are pissed off by now, especially with my penchant for beating up on and going after Orario's 'less desirables'.

Ugh, on second thought, I'm probably better off just going along with things than trying to figure things out without having any prior information. That way, at the very least, leads to a less embarrassing route for me to take, as I won't be tempted to treat everything as if it isn't real and screw everything up for myself.

"Sorry." Alright, first things first, I have to clear up this situation with Komachi. I know that I used to dote on her a lot back in the day, but never to the point of just randomly hugging her for no reason. Oh, yeah, I should probably stop doing that too, huh?

Releasing the hold I had on my sister and pushing her away, doing so reluctantly might I add, I began the process of trying to come up with an explanation that would justify my earlier actions, all the while, trying to keep myself from reacting to seeing her face for the first time in years. "You just caught me at the end of a bad dream, is all."

"Huh?" She asked that while tilting her head to the side like a cat. Dammit, Komachi, stop acting so adorable! You're making me regret not hugging you, more and more! "Aren't you a little old to be acting like that all because of a nightmare, onii-chan?"

I feel my body want to physically lurch forward in response to that verbal gut shot. To hear such scathing words from my beloved Komachi… Luckily, I have _Conscientia Strennessum_ to stop me from actually flinching in response to something so minis—

"Also, shouldn't the onii-chan be the one to do the comforting here and not the little sister?"

…I want to go back to Orario. Clearly, my nostalgia has tricked me into missing this world. Please, whatever deity that took me from here in the first place, take me back. I just want to go to the dungeon and gather enough money to drown a blue whale in. That's not too much to ask, now is it?

"Well, whatever, I guess that all doesn't matter too much anyways." Flashing me an all too familiar, way too adorable, toothy grin, she slipped herself off my bed. "Don't worry, onii-chan! Komachi will always be there to comfort you if there's no one else willing to do so! Ah, I bet that scored me a lot of points~!"

"Yeah, yeah, stop fishing for more points. You already have enough as it is." I both figuratively and literally wave the last of her squeals off dismissively as I do the same as her and pull myself up from my bed, shaking my head disbelievingly as I do so to help build the illusion of nothing being different. "Hey, does you being here, stopping me from getting my ever-precious sleep mean that you're done with the bathroom?"

"Mhm," she hummed in affirmation as she gave a quick nod of her head. I was already at my already open bedroom door when I heard her add. "Make sure to hurry while you're in there, gomi-chan! Otherwise, Komachi's cooking will get cold before you get to enjoy it!"

Giving a grunt back in response, I stepped out into the hallway and make haste towards aforementioned location, all the while having to ignore the feelings of nostalgia that seemed to well up inside me at the sight of every tiny, little thing.

Waxed, wooden floorboards? Instant nostalgia. Actual, non-magical light bulbs? Even more nostalgia. The tell-tale signs that my parents had, at some point, left the house to go to their corporate-slave jobs? Nostalgia upon more nostalgia.

The moment I managed to retrace my near three-year old steps back to the bathroom Komachi and I shared (it took around four minutes), I had to rush in and hide myself inside just to clear my head of the feeling. I can't compose and then orient myself mentally if I'm busy appreciating all of the everyday commonalities that I have, admittedly, took for granted over the first seventeen years of my life, now can I?

No, of course not. Emotion and logic can't co-exist with one another. That's what years of living a life in which the two were just naturally separate from another taught me. They could, at times, synchronize and supplement, but that's all they really could do when combined and, again, that rarely ever managed to happen.

Besides, when it did happen, things usually didn't end well. Source: me, punished variant.

So, as I stepped into the mirror and contemplated the sight that it presented back at me, I kept that in mind. Keep logic and emotion _separate_. Always.

Wait, didn't _Conscientia Strennessum_ already do that for me naturally? Oh yeah, it does. Good. Wouldn't want any of those edge-lord thoughts to pollute my thought processes, now would I? That's how people end up doing some…less than reputable things. Source: a certain elf I know, normal variant.

Edgy thoughts shook from my mind, both figuratively and literally, I returned my focus onto my reflection and found my dead, grey eyes staring at my face. My _old_ face on it–the one that hadn't see three years of combat inside the dungeon.

Seeing the sudden lack of age on my face surprised to me to say the least, but not too much, especially since Komachi, from what I could tell, didn't look like she aged at all from when I last saw her. So, I paid very little attention to the change after noticing it.

There, however, was a change that still needed to be confirmed and I immediately shifted my attention over to it. I didn't feel any physically, or mentally different, but I didn't know if that meant anything quite yet, since I was wearing a long-sleeved shirt and couldn't confirm that I still had my falna. Also, I probably shouldn't be feeling no different if I was indeed back to my old, high school self.

So, to answer the biggest question weighing on my mind, I gripped aforementioned shirt by its hem and pulled it up so that my abdomen was fully exposed. The first thing I noticed upon doing so was the fact my physique was absolutely no different as how it was in Orario, which told me all that I needed to know.

Still, can't be too sure though. Better turn around. Just to confirm the thought.

Upon turning around and looking over my shoulder at the mirror behind me, I found a familiar tattoo splayed across the skin of my back. I can't help but grimace a little at the sight of it.

Hm, what the hell? Is whatever entity that plucked me away from my home in the first place a complete idiot? Why the hell would they send me back _with_ my falna? What an irresponsible decision! You can't just up and throw someone with superhuman powers back into a world filled with just normal human beings!

For Gods' sake, I have the strength to punch people's heads off with a flick of the wrist! Who the HELL thought that that was a good idea?!

…

Deep breathes, Hachiman. Take deep breathes.

Don't let the idiocy of beings with more power than you'll ever have get to you. They'll just make your already hard life harder. Just take whatever they dish out and adjust to it like you always do. Getting angry at being you don't even know the identity of, won't get you anywhere. It'll just get you angrier the more you think about it, sort of like that thing with the fucking boat.

Mind now filled to the brim with numerous death threats aimed at numerous people, I shake my head once more and lower my shirt, silently chanting the incantation for the spell _Haste_ to myself as I do so. The moment I feel the all too familiar rush of the spell washing over me and my body, I feel the need to take a deep drag through my nostrils.

Okay, this is way going beyond stupidity now. Something's definitely going on here. I can understand why the entity that did this to me would allow me to keep my stats and skills, but I can't see the reasoning behind letting me keep my magic at all. There has to be some sort of method behind this madness. I have magic that could easily wipe out whole city blocks if I so pleased.

Why? Oh, why would they allow _me_ , the guy who could literally use the stuff infinitely, of all people to keep my magic? I'm _literally_ a walking atom bomb now.

"Come on, onii-chan!" The sound of Komachi's voice pulls me from my appalled tirade. From the volume of it, I could tell that it was coming from downstairs. "You're going to be late to school if you don't hurry! You know how violent Hiratsuka-sensei gets when you're late and I don't want you dying before you get me an onee-san! Ah! That scored me a ton of points~!"

Shaking my head for the third time in the last ten minutes, I force the thought of me now being the strongest human being in the world to the back of my mind.

Right… I'm back to being a simple high school student now, aren't I? I'm no longer an adventurer in Orario killing monsters for a living. I can mull over about all that stuff once school is over. It's not like getting enough sleep is going to be much of a problem with _Conscientia Strennessum_ still active anyway, so I had a pretty large chunk of time to find myself an answer.

Okay. Time to adjust.

Heh, why the hell was I being so serious? I thought I'd be ecstatic to be back.

* * *

School.

I've always thought the place to be really, really boring, but when I compared it to killing monsters back in the dungeon, I had to admit that it was now considerably much more boring than I last remembered. Hell, I've only just walked into the place and I already feel like I was at the receiving end of one of Alf's famous lectures (lol).

Readjusting the grey muffler that covered the lower-half of my face, I continued on with my trudge down to where I believed my old classroom, 2-F, to be.

To be honest, despite me loving my hometown more than I did some people I knew and conversed with on a regular basis, I wasn't quite sure that I remembered how to make my way back to Sobu when I finished the breakfast Komachi made me (which was delicious, by the way) and stepped out of my house. It _has_ been years since I last even thought about the route that I needed to follow to make my way to school, after all. It wouldn't be too far off to assume that, after memorizing near all the roads and alley that made up Orario and its underbelly, my memories were muddled up a good bit.

That, however, didn't mean that my memories of Chiba City were completely gone. No, the implication of one ever being able to forget the pathways of this great town being complete and utter bull—blasphemy aside, I knew where Sobu was. It was just that my memories of how to get there were buried underneath memories that just so happened to be more relevant to me at the time.

So, instead of fretting over how to get there, I just put my feet out in front of me and let them carry me to school, hoping that I still had some muscle memory from three years ago inside my legs.

Turns out, they did because I soon found myself standing outside its front gates with time to spare–something I highly attributed to me being a lot faster than I used to be.

That was about ten minutes ago though, and now, I was relying on my legs to carry me to my destination, classroom 2-F, once again.

As I continued to do just that, I'd find myself doing something I learned to do on the ever-dangerous streets of Orario and take quick, close to unnoticeable glances at all that surrounded me–something I immediately regretted doing as it quickly reminded me of the reason why I used to dislike the school environment so much back in the day.

All the fake smiles plastered on everyone's faces, the life-ruining whispers, and the seemingly countless amount of eyes that'd train themselves on me judgingly when they thought I wasn't looking.

It, all of it, reminded me of the streets of Orario, but just a little worse in my opinion. The masses of Orario, at the very least, had the decency to be upfront with you when they disliked of you.

Huh. Never thought I'd see the day. I actually kind of miss those streets. I mean, at least I still knew them. I knew them a helluva lot better than I did these any of these hallways anyways, and it wasn't just because I slept on them for the majority of my first year there.

My information network was one of the biggest and best in the city, after all. Actually, it was probably even better than bigger and more reliable (please note that I'm using "reliable" very loose here) than any of the ones the familias had set up for themselves.

Truth is, I wouldn't trust any of my informants to carry a spoon for me, much less have my back when the going got tough. I did, however, trust them to shut up and take my money when I presented it to them in exchange for the one valuable thing they had–information.

Scumbags the lot of them, but thanks to the seductive power of money, I trusted them a lot more than any of the students that leered at me as I passed by.

" _Hey, it's that Hiki…whatever guy again."_

Wow, you aren't even going to try and remember my name when you're talking shit about me?

" _Wait, who's that again? I feel like I should hate him for some reason, but I can't seem to remember exactly why for some reason."_

Wow. Just…wow. Did you really just unironically say that out loud and not feel like a complete idiot?

" _Hm, now that I think about it, I can't remember either!"_

Wait, what the hell was that? One was enough, but seriously?! The two of you _combined_ can't even manage to remember why you hate me to begin with?

Again, wow…

Just…wow…

Man, I can just feel my brain cells dying listening to the two of you babble on.

" _Ha, really?! That's, like, extremely hilarious!"_

" _Yeah, I'm hilarious, I know."_

…

Yep, it's official. I now like Orario more than high school. If this was the kind of crap I was going to have to deal with for the next year and a half, then I really don't want to live on this planet anymore.

The fact that I was starting to feel very naked without my normal choices of clothing on wasn't helping either. I was really, really starting to miss my hat, mask and heavy coat.

Unfortunately, Sobu High, by school regulation, didn't allow hats and while the rules on dress code weren't strictly enforced by the staff, I highly doubt that they'd just let me wear a tri-horned hat everywhere I went. So, that was one of the three down that was out of the question for me right at the outset.

Sure, I had my muffler and overcoat to serve as pretty serviceable but still below average replacements for the ones I used to have, thus keeping me in the positive with two out of three of my Orario attire, but they just weren't the same (something that should've been very obvious when I said "still below average").

For one, my current overcoat didn't cover all of my body and it also wasn't magically weighed down to ensure I didn't shoot off into space whenever I wanted to run, which forced me to have to consciously hold back with every movement I made just to ensure I did nothing out of the ordinary–something that I didn't like having to do at all.

The only thing that didn't have anything wrong with it at all was the makeshift mask I made from my muffler, but it was still nothing more than a temporary solution for me as I got readjusted to not having it on at all times.

Anyway, none of that would really matter when winter finally ended, both of the two were things I could only get away with wearing during the chilly seasons of autumn and winter only. I would have to discard both when spring finally came around, just to keep from sticking out like a sore thumb.

Actually, wait. Now that I think about it, the classroom had a heater inside it, which means that I was probably going to have to take both off anyway. Shit. That means that I was never going to be able to wear all three, all the time from the get go.

Oh, yeah. Speaking of classrooms, I've finally managed to stumble across my own.

* * *

Ah, Class 2-F, the place I spent the majority of my second year of high school in. Not so coincidentally, it was also the place where I was planning on spending the rest of it in. Funny how that works, right?

Pulling the door open, my eyes immediately fell upon the desks that filled the room behind it and suddenly, a wave of nostalgia rushed over me…or, at the very least, that's what I would've liked to have said.

Instead, I was met with a slight spike on the nostalgia meter inside of me and that was effectively it–that was the response I had to seeing my high school classroom for the first time in three years.

Granted, it's not like I made any particularly good, or even somewhat decent memories in it. All I could really remember that happened inside of it, was the day I had to fix Hayama's fake as hell clique after they started to fight over who would go with him to that group job trip thing.

In terms of the important stuff, like all the faces and names of the people inside it, I could remember things just fine, but for the life of me, I couldn't remember a single event that took place inside of it. Well, other that one request I just mentioned, of course.

Thinking back on my high school career, the only things I did in this place was listen to lessons; fall asleep during lessons; occasionally eat my lunch here when it either got too cold or was raining outside after lessons; and try to ignore the riajuus while they were in their natural habitat before _and_ after lessons. So, I guess it would make sense that nothing really stuck out to me.

Oh, and speaking of riajuus, looks like I've managed to gain the attention of the most prominent group of them in the entire school just with my entrance.

…

Wait, why do they all look surprised to see me? Is it because I'm early, or something? I understand that I don't usually get to school this early, but please try and keep your shock to yourselves please! I'm not some lazy slacker… Well, technically speaking, I, as _you all_ know me, am that lazy slacker, but I'm not anymore! Trust me! That all got forcibly whipped out of me after a year of depression, homelessness, and starvation!

 _Sigh._ Whatever. It's not like I particularly care about what any of them thought about me. Actually, barring one exception, I really couldn't give less than a shit about them as people, especially the blonde, pretty boy that served as their figurehead.

Speaking of said exception, I could see her inside that circle of people I hoped would go blow themselves up at some point in the future. I would've said that I was happy to see her, and I honestly was when I first laid eyes on her, but any of that potential happiness inside me was quickly replaced irritation when I saw her giving me the same surprised look as the rest of her so-called 'friends'.

Seriously. I know that I've never been much of a punctual person, but how bad was I back in the day that even Yuigahama of all people is surprised to see me come in this early? I would've thought that she would've had more faith in me, but looks like that wasn't the case at all.

Looks like the only person in this room that I can truly count on is Totsuka! Praise be to lord Totsuka! All hail lord Totsuka! Halle-Totsuka! Let the world rejoice his name!

Now, where exactly is that pure and incorruptible angel?

…

Hm, looks like he isn't here…

Dammit…

Taking in a deep breath through my nostrils to keep myself from outright bawling, I pull my makeshift face mask down and make my way over to where I remember my desk to be–something that, once again, took me relying on my muscle memory to do.

Column closest to the near wall, third row from the top. That's the desk my legs lead me to, so I had to assume that it was mine.

Throwing my book bag down next to it, I begin going about the process of stripping myself of the two pieces of clothing I desperately wanted to keep on, so pretty much my overcoat and muffler.

Draping my overcoat onto the back of my chair, I bend over, stuff my muffler into my bag and then let myself fall backwards into said piece of furniture, doing so all in one smooth motion. Just then do I hear the sound of footsteps approaching me.

"Yahello, Hikki!" Oh, right. Yuigahama does have a habit of approaching me when I get to class, doesn't she? Also, what's with that greeting? "You're here awfully early."

Upon hearing that statement, I feel half-tempted to go into sensei mode, smack her lightly on the top of her head, and tell her to give me some more credit. "Oi, give me some credit will you?" Instead, I only do one and half out of the three. "You make it sound like I'm late to school everyday."

"A-ah, s-sorry!" Immediately, the girl does as I expect her to and tries to apologize for her blunder. "I didn't mean anything by it, I swear!"

Nostalgia flared up inside me as I watched the display.

Heh. It's funny. I always thought that people who said that you never knew what you had until it's gone were all regret-ridden idiots, vainly trying to grasp onto a past that was long gone, but now, I was beginning to understand what they were getting at.

Everything about interacting with Yuigahama after so long made me want to break out in a smile. The sound of her voice as it shifted from one emotion to another, the amiable atmosphere that she just exuded… Hell, if it wasn't for _Conscientia Strennessum_ stopping me, I'd probably be grinning from ear to ear by now.

All of it… It's almost enough to make me feel guilty about reprimanding her like she was one of my students. _Almost_. "Hey, calm down." I can't help myself from scoffing and shaking my head in a mixture of amusement and disbelief. "I was only kidding."

"Mou! Hikki, you jerk!" With a pout, Yuigahama planted her hands onto her hips emphatically–an act that caused movement to happen in a place right under her shoulders, which immediately drew my attention over to it. "You were talking so serious that I actually thought you were offended!"

Heh. Jiggle… Jiggle…

Ah, wait. What did you just say there, Yuigahama? I'm a jerk and you thought I was actually being serious there?

Yeah, I agree! I'm a jerk and I'm so sorry for fooling you there! Just so you know, I was totally paying attention to what you were just saying! One-hundred percent!

 _Haha_ … Yeah, totally…

"Yeah, my bad. Sorry about that. I thought you'd be able to tell."

"Mou…whatever." The pout didn't leave the pink-ette's lips, until it suddenly did and was replaced with her usual chipper attitude. "So, Hikki, did you hear the news?"

"Hm?" What the hell was with that sudden emotional shift just there, Yuigahama? I know that you're supposed to be an airhead, but such a emotional shift shouldn't be possible for someone mentally stable, y'know?

"Hear about what exactly?" Also, what's with that question? You know that I'm not someone who's regularly attuned with schoolyard gossip. Are you trying to make fun of me, or something? "You know that I'm not the kind of person to care about such trivial things."

"Wha! You seriously didn't hear?!" Yes, I 'seriously didn't hear'. Did you not hear me a second ago? I just told you that I didn't. The hell's even the point of asking me that? "There's apparently supposed to be a new student transferring into our class today!"

"Wait, really? This far into the year?" The hell? I checked my phone earlier and the date said that Valentine's Day was a couple days ago. That means we're already more than halfway into the school year. What sane parent would allow their child to move schools this late? That makes absolutely no sense. "Are you sure didn't just mishear? You are kind of an airhead, after all."

"Mhm, I'm one-hundred percent sure! Hayato and the others said so themselves! It's going to be a girl, I think!"

Just at that moment, the bell signaling the beginning of class rang and the classroom door slid open with a loud bang, revealing an all too familiar sensei of mine.

Wait a second, class is just now starting and Yuigahama still thought I was early? Just how freaking bad was I at showing up on time back in the day?!

"Alright class, get to you seats!" Hiratsuka-sensei barked out the order to everyone in the room. The pink-ette standing next to my desk wisely did as the single teacher said and scurried back to her desk at a speed I didn't think she was capable of.

It took a few seconds, but once everyone was settled back into their desks and quiet, their teacher continued on with what she planned to say, "Now, as some of you may already know, we're going to be having a new student join us today."

With a wave of her hand, Hiratsuka called out to the transfer student, who I assumed to be standing outside of the classroom (I couldn't really tell from where I was sitting), "You can come on in now, Lyon-san!"

…

Wait, what?

"Class this is Lyon Ryuu." Hiratsuka-sensei gestured to the owner of the name and I immediately felt my heart stop beating inside of its chest when I saw her face…and recognized it. Really, it would be hard for me not to. "Please take care of her for me."

The ex-adventurer who once wiped out an entire familia one-by-one for revenge was now standing before me and the rest of class 2-F, clad in a female Sobu High uniform. Her expression as blank as ever as her ever-piercing, sea-blue eyes slowly scanned the crowd before her.

Before I could even wrap my head around someone from Orario being in _my_ world, all of my classmates already began formulating their opinions on her. I really didn't give a fuck about what they were saying, though.

Honestly, why should I when there were clearly more pressing matters for me to take care of?

"H-Hikigaya-kun?" The sound of Lyon uttering my name pulled me away from my thoughts. "Hikigaya-kun, is that…is that…?"

Goddammit, why?! You stupid, stupid, stupid…

"Hikigaya?" I hear Hiratsuka-sensei call out to me. I turn to face her, but I'm not really focusing on her at all. For the hundredth-thousandth time today, thank goodness that I have _Conscientia Strennessum_ as a skill. "Do you two know each other?"

Oh, so this is how you want to play it, huh? I guess it all makes sense now that I actually take a second to think about it.

"Yeah." Me getting back home long before I was supposed to, the fact that I still had my falna, and now, _this_? Yeah, I get it. I understand. I read your message loud and _**fucking**_ clear. "She and I know each other."

Oi, whatever or whoever brought me back home, I'm going to say this right now. What _this_ is? What you're doing right now? I don't care how powerful you are, I'm not going to take this lying down.

You can screw with me and my life all that you want, but don't you _ever_ screw with the people I care about. I'm the only one who needs to be dealing with shit like this, no one else.

"Hey Hiratsuka-sensei?" I call out to her as I stand up from my desk, the sound of my chair grinding against the ground ripping through the silent air as I did so. I could practically feel everyone's eyes drilling into me as I stood, though, I really couldn't bring myself to care. I was simply just way too furious to. "Do you mind if I go and speak to Lyon out in the hallway for a second? She and I have a few things we need to discuss."

 **-Chapter End-**

This is the end of the chapter. Expect part two next month. Again, I'm sorry for not being able to give y'all any original content.

Um…bye.


	6. Chapter 5: There Won't be a Problem

Hey, what's up.

So, a little context as to why this chapter is shorter than the rest of them. So, I wasn't able to reach the minimum word limit in the time I allotted for myself, and I haven't actually updated any of my stores in a month's time and I didn't want people to think that I was dead. So...um, yeah. That's pretty much it. I'll be sure to add in the rest of what I intended in about a week's time.

Also, in other news, as I'm sure most of you already know, TransDim (the story that inspired this story) has started back up again. So... Go read it if you haven't already.

 **-Mandatory Disclaimer-**

Here's a thing you won't even read. I want the Government to ban swimming pools? Why? Because babies drown in them, but mainly because I myself can't swim.

 **-Chapter 5: Actually, It Seems Like There Won't be Much of a Problem-**

Over the years, I've had a lot of people tell me that when one got really sucked into their work, time seemed to pass by much faster.

For years, I thought that was all just mindless propaganda my corporate slave parents would tell me to get me to work harder in school, but now, I know that there was, at least, a _little_ truth to their words.

What caused me to so suddenly change my mind on the topic? Well, personal experience was a pretty good teacher and, trust me, I was experiencing the phenomena in spades right now as I dragged my aching, exhausted body back home.

When I first entered the dungeon today after speaking to Flova-san, I was fairly sure that it was still very close to dawn, and when I finally decided to come out of it, the moon was hanging high in the sky–something I found to be hysterical, as I somehow managed to go through a day without even noticing at all. I don't know how, but I did and I couldn't keep myself from laughing at the fact.

I swear, if it wasn't for the fact that my body started to feel like it was going to fall apart if I kept moving, I'd probably still be in the dungeon, killing as many monsters as I could physically manage.

Why? Well, let's just say that the mobs were good for something, other than just being an unlimited and constant source of income. They also happened to be great substitute stress relief balls when plastic hadn't been invented yet. Source: me.

Why would I need something like that? Well, to put things as bluntly as I could, I—

 _Growl._

Huh? Wait, what the hell? I'm hungry? Since when was I hungry? I've been in the dungeon for hours now! How did I not notice something like that before?!

…

 _Sigh._ Well, whatever… I guess I'll head over and see if the _Hostess_ is still open.

Considering the fact that it's a tavern, I should most certainly hope so. The last thing I wanted to hear tonight was that I somehow managed to keep myself in the dungeon long enough to outlast all Orario's drunks, as that being the case would most certainly mean that I'd be dying very soon.

Ugh… Why the hell couldn't I just give Lyon a noncommittal answers earlier? That woman is so going to strangle me to death if I leave Flova hanging _again_.

 _Growl._

 _Tsk…_ I get it, stomach. I get it! I'm picking up the pace! You don't have to keep nagging me! My body can only go so fast with my legs feeling like they're about to fall off, y'know?!

* * *

"Ah, there you are, Hikigaya." Oi Lyon, I know that you don't particularly care for my presence, but you should still at least pretend to treat me with courtesy when I first walk up. What if somebody who hasn't eaten here before were to walk by and overhear you right now? They would immediately assume that the staff here was rude and choose to go somewhere else! Then, after that, when those people's friends ask if the _Hostess of Fertility_ was a nice place to eat, they'd tell them about this event and subsequently ruin its reputation by spreading baseless rumors! Nothing destroys a place's reputation more than gossips talking bad about it, y'know. I should know! I've had the same thing happen to me back when I was young! "It looks like that rotting husk that you call a body really does have the ability to hold honor."

Ugh… I don't have enough energy to deal with this bull tonight…

"Yeah, yeah, whatever…" Normally, I'd shoot an insult right back at the elf, but tonight? I was simply too tired to do so. "So, am I too late to come inside or…?"

Typically, whenever I ventured into the dungeon to start grinding, I'd go in at a little after sun rose and stay there until the sun was about three-quarters of its way to setting, which basically meant I was usually inside the dungeon for ten hours at a time. Today, I went about an hour or two, or _four_ , over that mark.

Now, depending on the amount of business it was getting throughout the night, the _Hostess_ would usually close its doors when the moon was halfway done with its own cycle–give or take a few hours.

So, seeing that the moon was about a quarter the way up in the sky when I first exited the dungeon and now, it's one-third of the way up, I could tell it had been a slow day for the medieval maid café that served copious amounts of alcohol–something I found to be odd as I knew just how renowned the place was with adventurers and commoners alike–by the fact that its main dining room sat void of all people. The only exceptions being, of course, the staff who were all busy doing whatever job they had been assigned for the night.

Lyon's job tonight seemed to be taking out the trash and I wasn't saying just that because of the unconscious man that sat, slumped over on the ground face-first a couple feet off to my right. She was very literally holding a wood trash bin in her hands.

"Technically speaking." Lyon's answer filled me with the kind of anguish that one could only be felt by someone who just had their time thoroughly wasted.

I mean, I didn't drag my worn out body all the way down here just so I could be in Flova's good company, y'know? She's nice and all, but, when it came down to it, I was a loner through and through. I would be at home, asleep right now if I didn't feel like my stomach would start caving in on itself if I didn't go out and get some food in it some time soon.

"Then, could you just go inside and get Flova-san for me?" Seeing that I wasn't going to be able to accomplish the only thing I came here to do, I decided to go and nip the one other problem my late night grinding sessions spawned in the bud. "I know that it probably wouldn't be a lot of compensation for her now, but I'd like to apologize for my recent string of, uh, _absences_."

Huh? Why did that come out sounding so formal and withdrawn? I know that I'm extremely tired right now, but I should have enough energy in me to at least sound snarky and bad-natured in general conversation! Especially when I was talking to someone that I loathed as much as I did Lyon!

…

Oi! The hell is with that head tilt you're doing?! Don't look at me like I just grew an extra head just because I decided to take responsibility for a mistake! I am perfectly capable of doing such a thing! I may be a complete and utter ass, but I was at least a self-conscious ass!

* * *

The last time I met with Flova, I ended up getting so worked up at all my own hubris regarding my relationship with her, that I ended up semi-storming out of the _Hostess_ and killing monsters for ten straight hours.

This time, however, I was fairly sure that something of that nature wasn't going to happen. For one, I literally just came off all that not two hours ago, so I was fairly sure that even attempting to do anything of that nature again would lead to me falling face first onto the ground and dying. Also, getting _that_ pissed off at anything took a good deal of energy to do, which I most certainly didn't have at the moment, so that was also keeping me from acting like how I had earlier–a definite good thing as I'd rather not go to bed angry tonight.

"Hikigaya-kun?" The sound of Flova's voice calling out to me, pulled me out from my thoughts. Turning my head towards where it came from, I found myself staring at the waitress herself, who was, in turn, staring back at me, very clearly surprised by my sudden presence.

"Yo." I lifted my chin at the woman as a sign of acknowledgement, all the while adjusting my position against the wall I was leaning on for support. Ugh… Why did looking cool have to be so goddamn uncomfortable?

"What are you doing here?" There was no hint of malice or annoyance behind her words. Just simple confusion. "You didn't show up when you usually do, so I thought you might've been busy today too."

"No, just went a little overboard while I was inside the dungeon today." Y'know, now that I think about it, you're really taking me flaking out on you yesterday night well, Flova. Back in my world, I'd be rocket-punched in the stomach by a desperate, perpetually single woman who was getting dangerously close to _that_ point in her life. Y'know, the one in which every woman should start to question if they should really keep at looking for a partner that would stay by them for all eternity. "I don't plan on doing it ever again, so don't think too much of it."

"Huh? Does that mean that you left the dungeon just now?" Well, technically speaking, I guess you could say that I did 'leave the dungeon just now.' "It's already so late! For how long did you stay in there?!"

"Since this morning?" Why do you sound so shocked, Flova? I know that it's not exactly a common thing to do, but it isn't impossible. All that it took was proper energy conservation and sticking to the monsters that were so simple to kill that it barely even took any time to do so. Also, breaks. They also helped in keeping me conscious while I was in there. Really, the only reason I left was because of the long term fatigue and nothing else. Truly, the endurance of my falna-powered body was a terrifying thing.

"What?!" Oi, could you be not so loud please? The rest of my body may be on the verge of failure, but my ears aren't. "But that's such a long time! Aren't you tired?!"

"Immensely." I don't waste any time or effort in trying to convince her I'm fine like how I'm sure most LN-protagonists would. Stuff like that? Bullshit. All of it. It didn't solve anything. The only thing it really did was perpetuate problems–problems that could easily be solved in seconds by simply speaking. "I feel like my body's going to start falling apart at any second."

"Ha?! What are you doing here then? Shouldn't you be at home if you're so worn out?!" Yep and instead I'm here with you. So, consider yourself lucky, Flova— Hey! Hey! What do you think you're suddenly doing?! Let go of my arm! Don't use me being in an utterly vulnerable state as an excuse to raise flags with me! "Come in, come in! I'm going to ask Mama Mia to let you stay the night."

Her words cause me to pause for a moment as I realize the position that I am currently in. I _know_ that I've seen this kind of situation play out a many times before and I already knew how things were going to play out if I let it.

I suppose that I should've been taken off guard by hearing her say something like that. That what I said back in reply should start with a stutter to show how flustered I am. That the skin of my face should share the same color scheme as a tomato (ugh). Instead, totally straight faced and even, I said something that I felt like I've been needing to say to her, since the first moment I met her.

"No, you shouldn't need to do so much for me."

Of course, my protests fell on deaf ears and I was pulled inside against my will.

…

At least I was getting free food.

* * *

Speaking of sayings I've been told a lot, by a lot of people, there was this saying from the West that was resonating with me deeply right now.

"Mou…" Goddammit… Why didn't I listen to you English playwright that came up with the quote I'm thinking of? Truly, the world knows no worse a devastation than an angry kami-sama. **[1]** Well, hopefully, she wasn't furious enough to actually do something about it, as she was in prime position to snap me into two pieces with her straddling the small of my bare back like how she was.

"You know, you're lucky that I'm even bothering to do this for you after what you just pulled." I imagined my kami-sama pouted as she said that. It was a cute mental image. It at least kept me from thinking about other things, like how short her dress was. Still haven't gotten used to that, by the way. "Next time you do something like this, I'm not going to update you for a whole week."

"That's big talk coming from you, kami-sama. I know that you like to _think_ that you can pull off the whole stern parent act, but the both of us know that you're nothing but a softy as a parent." I bury my face deeper into my arms as I voice my thoughts on the matter on accident (lol). "You'd ban me and crumble to the guilt immediately."

"…" I hear my kami-sama grumble as I feel an all too familiar warmth prick at the small of my back and cause a surge of power to run through me, telling me that my stats had been updated, which, by the way, always felt extremely great, especially after a night like my last one. Did I mention that I was tired? I did? A lot already? Well…get reminded again. My mind may have been rested thanks to having slept at the _Hostess_ , but I, my body more specifically, was still aching from all that I put it through yesterday. "… _Sigh._ Why must my only child act so cheeky to his kami-sama?"

You can call me whatever you want, but you're never going to be able to convince me otherwise, kami-sama. Not with you dressing like how you are. You use a ribbon to hold up your boobs up for crying out loud! I mean, what does that even do for you in the first place?! Is it like a bra? If so, why couldn't you have used one of those instead?! Seriously, what's the point? How am I ever supposed to take you seriously?

Having no intention to be murdered today, I decide to not say anything that was circling my head, allowing silence to speak for me instead. Unfortunately for me, however, the woman sitting on top of my back wasn't willing to let our conversation end there.

"So, has something been bothering you, Hachiman-kun?" There was absolutely no trepidation at all in my kami-sama's voice as she voiced her concern for me, to me. _Pft._ Of course there wasn't. Why would there be? It's not like she risked losing anything, after all. Neither of us had the luxury of being a person other people sought after and thus meant we were going to be stuck with each other for the foreseeable future. "Now, don't take this the wrong way, but you going out to do more work than is necessary, doesn't seem like something you'd do."

"…" Knowing full well that she, being a god and all, could tell when I was lying, I once again decide to let silence do my talking for me.

"So… There really is a problem then." I could heard Hestia-sama sigh as I felt her start going about the final step of the update process: transcribing the details of my newly upped stats to a piece of paper for me to read, which entailed her literally pressing a piece of paper to the magical tattoo on my back. How that worked, I really have no clue. I never bothered to ask anyone, mainly because I was sure that all it would get me was an explanation that had magic as its crux and wouldn't really answer my question. Seriously though, why is it that in all fantasy sett— "Well, I just got finished updating your stats, so if you wanted to talk about what's been bothering you, I'm all ears!"

Suddenly, I feel the weight on my back disappear and I notice something pale enter my peripheral view of to my left, which prompts me to glance over at it. Unsurprisingly, there stood my kami-sama, a prideful grin on her lips and a thumb being pointed at her puffed out chest. "I'm your kami-sama, after all! So, it's my job to make sure that you're healthy both physically and mentally!"

…

Not knowing what else to do, I blink at the woman standing over me owlishly, which was immediately followed up by a full twelve seconds of me staring at her like she had grown another head.

I was baffled. Completely so. How was something like that even possible after a conversation as awkward as the one we just had?! There's no way… There's just no way… Stop it… Stop it!

Stop being so cute goddammit! It's not fair. It's just not fair, I tell you! I was planning on using the awkwardness that our conversation created to force you into dropping the topic entirely! How am I supposed to be a scumbag under these conditions?!

…

"Ugh…fine." I bury my face deeper into my arms as I finally cave into my kami-sama's demands. "I'll talk, I'll talk."

"Hey, hey, what's wrong?! Why are you acting all depressed?" Seriously. Stop it. Now you're just rubbing your victory over me in my face by telling me that you weren't even trying to win there. You're like that guy who wins a game for his team and immediately begins to point out all of the times he messed up. That's not being humble. That's just a way to imply to your opponent that you don't need to be at your best to beat them without coming off like a dick.

 **-Chapter End (for now)-**

Well, this is all I have right now. I owe y'all another thousand words. I'm expecting you to hold me to it.

 **-References-**

 **[1]:** Copyright-free form of the phrase: "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."


	7. Omake 2: More Complicated (rewrite)

Yo, just a little omake re-post so that all of you don't think I'm dead or something.

-Mandatory Disclaimer-

I will not fall to the tyranny of the disclaimer!

-The Return to My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU, as Expected, Doesn't Go as Expected: Part 2: My Everyday School Life has Become More Complicated than It Already Was-

Ryuu Lyon.

What exactly was my relationship with the adventurer who turned everyday waitress after single-handedly destroying a familia? Even after having known the devil woman for almost three years, I honestly still didn't know how to answer to that question.

Were the two of us friends? I don't know. Maybe?

I guess someone, looking at our relationship from an outside perspective, could call us friends given how we've interacted with one another up to this point, but I don't know if I myself could really say the same.

Yeah, I cared about what happened to her. If she and Bell were to trade places during the closing moments of their encounter with Asura, I'd probably go through the same lengths to make sure she came out safe, but would she do the same for me if I were in the same position?

All past evidence pointed towards that being the case, but that really didn't mean much in the long run. I didn't know a single thing about what her motives were. Hell, for all I knew, my earlier assumptions about the elf being a spy could still turn out to be true and she just happened to be the best actor in Orario. One never really knew with a hack like Zaimokuza at the helm of a project.

That being said, the point is that, I don't know what she, Ryuu Lyon, really felt about me and, for as long as there was still sense in my brain, I'd never claim to know.

All that I really knew was that I cared about her and that there was strong evidence pointing towards her feeling the same way towards me. Nothing more, nothing less, and I'd be damned if I were to allow myself to make assumptions again.

"Hikigaya-kun…"

People's actions don't always reflect what they truly felt.

"…you…"

That was a lesson I learned a long time ago.

"…you're…"

Just because Lyon acted a certain way towards me didn't mean—

"…Thank goodness…"

I—

"…I'm… I'm so relieved."

Sigh.

Dammit… I really wish I had brought her somewhere more private. Right now, the two of us were standing just outside my old high school classroom–the only thing keeping my old classmates from seeing all that we were doing being the thin wall that separated room from hall.

Definitely not the most ideal time or place to have a conversation like the one that I knew was coming, but nonetheless, it was a conversation I knew we needed to have at some point… Just not now.

"Lyon…" So, that's why, when I closed the distance between us and purposefully put my left hand onto her shoulder, squeezing it gently, I tried to keep it from happening. "…look, I know that you probably have a lot of questions you want to—"

Fortunately, it seemed like the two of us were on the same page with one another in regards to that, just not the same frequency.

"Don't. Just…don't talk." She didn't want to talk about what happened either, but she very clearly didn't want to for reasons different to my own. My want was borne of a need to mitigate damage and hers was borne from flat out need. "Please."

Just like how it was arrogant of me to mistake Orimoto's nice girl act as genuine care for me back in middle school, I was being arrogant right now in assuming that Lyon, despite all that she's done to prove otherwise, didn't care about me.

The bags under her eyes should've told me that. The way she kept trying to steal glances down at my left arm should've told me that. The way her breathing caught the instant she saw me should've told me that. All of those things should've told me that and yet, I still managed to ignore them to further my own cause… Dammit. I'm such an idiot.

"Alright." That word comes out my mouth much like how I imagined a steel chair would go through a wood chipper. The delivery wasn't smooth by any means, nor did it get through to the other side without an extreme amount of effort on my part, but it went through in the end and that's all I really cared about. Fuck trying to sound smooth in a situation like this. "I'm sorry, Lyon."

What was I apologizing for? Was it for even letting the thought of her not caring about me slip into my mind? Was it because I had somehow managed to get her dragged into all of this dimension-jumping bullshit? Truth be told, I don't really know. Actually, it was probably both of those—

"Ahem. Hikigaya, Lyon-san, if the two of you are finished…" The sound of my old homeroom teacher calling out to us breaks the both of us from our stupors, "…we still have a class to get to."

…

Oi, Hiratsuka-sensei… Are you really that desperate to seem like the cool sensei character? Being a member of that trope myself, I know how fun it is to burst in suddenly and ruin the atmosphere of a scene, but that only applies when the tone is the deathly sort of serious, like when the teacher suddenly gets kidnapped. When it's the melodramatic kind, people tend to get pissed. Me and the person next to me, being case in point.

Truly, this shows how incompetent of a teacher you are. I mean, instead of making sure the all the kids in the classroom are behaving, you're out here being all insensitive. I can even hear someone running inside the classroom! So, stop smirking at me and do your job, woman!

* * *

Class.

If I was remembering things correctly, I always found every class other than literature to be boring - so boring that I would always have to focus my mind on other things just to get by. Be it glancing around at the others sitting around me, the wall next to me, or the darkness that was created when my arms, desk, and head all joined forces with one another.

Now, even though I had a skill that allowed me to focus on something without fail, I still had to keep my mind preoccupied with other things to keep myself from getting bored. The real only difference was now, I could focus on the lesson and whatever I was distracting myself with at the same time.

So, as Hiratsuka-sensei gave her lecture to the class, I was able to take notes on what was coming out from her mouth, while also letting my mind wander off towards my current situation. To be a bit more specific, I was trying to keep my mind focused on figuring out how I could summon the almighty deity that saw it fit to fuck with Lyon by dragging her into this dimension-switching bullshit, and all the ways I could wrap my hands around their throats and strangle them. Unfortunately however, there was something in my classroom kept distracting me from all my fantasies.

For three years, I had lived in Orario – a place where you could literally be stabbed in the back at any moment. So, to keep that from happening, I quickly got myself into the habit of monitoring any whispering going on around me for any sort of mention. Now, such a habit might be useful in a place as dangerous and volatile as Orario, but not so much in a high school setting, where the only whispers that are uttered are all about everyday, mundane garbage I could care less about.

The moment anyone opened their mouths to say anything, my skill forced my mind to latch onto it immediately. The fact that most of them were about a me and certain (former) elf were the subject in all of them didn't help keep my focus off them at all.

All of them, and I really did mean 'all of them', were about our relationship with one another. Seriously, do none of you people have anything better to whisper under your breaths about? Are all your lives that empty and uneventful?

…

Wait, a minute, of course that's the case! This is pretty much all their lives are. I can't forget that they're all just high school students, after all. The most interesting thing that's ever happened to them up until this point is probably finally being able to talk to the cute boy/girl they liked, without prematurely pissing their pants, or what kind of ice cream they're going to get after class lets out – chocolate, double chocolate, or choco (whatever the fuck that is) – or some other mundane garbage.

Compared to the life of a person who's spent the last three years killing monsters for a living – a person like myself – it made sense that what would catch their attention, wouldn't seem worth mentioning. Ah, good job brain! You've just helped make your own existence a little bit more bearable!

Finally, as if in response to my prayers, the bell signaling the start of lunch break sounded through the still air of the classroom and the modern Japanese literature teacher with a fear of being alone, went about dismissing the class. Yeah, yeah, I get it. There's an assignment you want done by some allotted time. I jotted all the details down earlier, when you first started talking about it at the start of class. Could you hurry it up a little, woman? Unlike the rest of the plebeian, no-life having children sitting around me (lol), I still have things I need to get to, like a painfully awkward, melodramatic conversation with a person from another universe!

If some people were really dense enough to hear the words 'homework assignment' and not immediately think it was something worth making note of, then that's their fucking problem! Not mine! Throw them to the wolves! No, slather them with bacon fat and then throw them to the wolves! Show them no mercy! School is a place meant to teach kids how to live in the outside world! So, quit it with all the coddling and let me leave already!

Bouncing my leg up and down faster than Tiona Hiryute riding a pogo stick, in the middle of a sugar rush, I impatiently watched as my teacher concluded whatever in the damn hell she was talking about and then promptly leave the room, leaving the class to its own devices for the next thirty or so minutes.

Okay, now that she's finally gone, it's time to—

BANG!

I nearly jump out of my seat when I hear the distinct sound of something really, really hard slam into the hollow wood of a high school desk come from directly behind me. Thankfully, my first ever skill allowed me the awareness to realize my current surroundings and keep from immediately jumping into battle-ready mode.

Turning around, I find a peculiar sight.

As I've stated earlier, I didn't know a lot about Ryuu Lyon. I did, however, know for certain that she was a level 4 adventurer. Now, as my life up until now has probably made very clear, one doesn't get to just be one of those. It takes having an iron-cast fortitude to get to.

So, that's why I was surprised to see Ryuu Lyon with her head pressed up against the surface of her desk – the desk directly behind my own might I add (thanks Japanese school seating system!) – her body completely limp. If I was still in Orario, I might be tempted to compare the scene to something from an anime, but since I wasn't in that place anymore, I really couldn't do that anymore unfortunately.

"Lyon-san?!" The concerned cry of one of my female classmates rings through the air, but I'm up out of my seat and by the (former) elf's side long before then. Not to say that I was actually concerned about the woman's health — she was a level 4, after all — but the bags underneath her eyes meant something and considering all the new information that was probably thrown her way today, I could tell that her brain had finally decided to give out on her.

Grabbing her shoulder and shaking gently, I ask in a low whisper, "Oi, Lyon, snap out of it. I thought your kind were supposed to be more cultured than I am. You're causing a scene, y'know."

It seemed that was enough to shake her out of her stupor as she turned her attention, and head, my way before slowly raising her eyes to meet my own. Oi. Could you stop that? I'm trying to scold you here, and that's pretty hard when you suddenly decide to act all cutesy like that.

"My apologies, Hikigaya-kun." The moment those words left her mouth, I knew that I was going to be getting out of this classroom without a fight. "Did I embarrass you? I was always under the impression that you cared not about for the opinions of other people. To think that you were actually always so thin-skinned underneath that cold expression of yours."

"Ha? You're figuring out that I'm embarrassed to be around you now? Woman, you seriously can't be that dense. I already knew that you could be an idiot at times, but I never thought that you could be this much of one."

"Resorting to attacking my intelligence level now, Hikigaya-kun? You must be really desperate for a defense if that's all you can muster in retaliation."

"Couldn't I say the same for you though, Lyon-chan? Isn't the pointing out of a lack of defense, the biggest lack of defense of them all? Did you really think that you'd be able to run by that by me unnoticed? Did you suddenly forget that I'm much smarter than you'll ever be?"

"Back to calling me an idiot then? With the amount of times you've called me that up until this point, I'm beginning to wonder if you're just very insecure of your own level of intelligence and are just calling me that to feel better about yourself."

"No, I call you an idiot because you are one. Stop throwing around your own twisted logic around as if it's fact, woman."

"That's certainly rich coming from you of all people, Hikigaya-kun. Must I remind you of all the countless times I've heard you do the same? Please, before you speak on anyone else's shortcomings, do me a favor and learn from you own."

"Oi, could you stop trying to throw my insults back at me? You and I both know that you're nowhere near smart enough to—"

"—U-um, Hikki?" My eyes blink rapidly as I hear the sound of Yui Yuigahama's voice calling out to me. Just then do I realize my current position and the lack of space between I and a certain (former) elf, who had stood up from her chair at some point. We weren't exactly standing chest to chest, but we were the closest thing to it. Hell, I was basically just standing over her at this point.

"Ah, Yuigahama?" As I say that, I turn towards the pink-haired airhead in question, making sure to make a step's length distance between the blonde and I after I do so.

"A-ah, s-sorry, am I i-interrupting something?" Huh? Why in the world is this social butterfly acting so awkward? Did something between now and the last time I spoke to you that made you act this way, Yuigahama-san?

"Um…" I glance over my shoulder at the former waitress who I was conversing with prior and find her glaring at my old clubmate. "No, not really." The hairs on the back of my neck bristle when I say that. Oi, stop it! I get that you don't like being so easily dismissed, but that kind of glare is going too far! "What is it?"

"A-ah, I wanted to know if you were coming to club today," Yuigahama asked, letting out an awkward chuckle as she reached her hand up to scratch the back of her head. I could immediately tell that wasn't the question she really wanted to ask. "I know that Hiratsuka-sensei said that you were supposed to help the Lyon-san, but…" Ah, right. I was supposed to give Lyon a tour of Sobu once classes ended. Nearly forgot. "But I thought it'd be nice to be together… y'know?" She held her hands behind her back and glanced down at the floor bashfully. "After what happened…"

…

Ah, right. That. I can't help but avert my gaze from the airhead in front of me when the memory is forced back to the forefront of my mind. To be perfectly honest, I haven't actually thought about that moment in years. One really didn't have time to reminisce about past events when they were busy scrounging up a living/eventual fortune.

If I'm remembering things correctly, then on Valentine's Day weekend, Yukinoshita, Yuigahama and I went out a 'date' together, which culminated into a scene where the two basically confessed that they had feelings for me. They didn't do so outright, but anyone with a brain could tell what they were trying to get at. We basically all agreed that we'd deal with anything that came our way, even if it ended up hurting us in the end.

"Yeah." I nod my head as I say that and the air-head's face lit up with a smile the moment I finished saying those words, which caused a small smile of my own to grow on my lips. "I'll try to come by if I can."

"Oh, okay then, I'll see you later Hikki!" she exclaimed back in response happily, before running back to her usual clique, who were all looking my way curiously. Oi, the hell are you riajuus looking at? I didn't do any—

Feeling a sudden chill run down the spine of my back, I turn my head and glance back over my shoulder towards the (former) waitress, and find her glaring at me, or rather, past me towards said group of people. Um… Hey, Lyon, why are you glaring at those perfectly normal, riajuu school children like they were all monsters from the dungeon? Could you stop? I know that I joke about having them blow up, but I don't actually want them dead.

"Um… Lyon?" I call out to her in the most brusque tone I can manage, doing so in hopes of having her refocus her ire towards me.

"'Hi-kki?'" The blonde (former) elf repeated under her breath slowly, before turning her gaze back at me with her head tilted to the side. "Hachiman." Despite it being winter, I could feel a bead of sweat run down the side of my forehead. Lyon, why are you suddenly calling me by my given name? "Why did she call you that?"

Not knowing how to respond, or rather, being too terrified of the level 4 adventurer before me to, I simply stand there completely still and completely silent.

Eventually, the woman let out a sigh and shook her head disbelievingly, crossing her arms over her chest, which caused a reaction that I dare not describe even mentally, as I didn't have a death wish. "Earlier, you said that you would answer any questions that I have, right?" I nod back hesitantly. "Then take me somewhere private. Now, is a better time than ever."

Lyon walks off towards the door before I can answer, which prompts an exasperated sigh from me. This is going to be a long day.

Shoving my hands deep into my pockets, I move to follow her out, all the while feeling the pitying stares of the rest of my classmates. Oi, I appreciate the sentiment, but all of you hurry up and get your own lives? Stop sticking your noses where they don't belong. I'm a grown ass man, dammit! I can handle something like a woman who's pissed off at me, even if I have no idea what exactly she's pissed off at me for!

…

As I think that, I wonder who I'm trying to convince — them or myself.

…

Oh, who am I kidding? The answer was obviously the latter.

* * *

MAX Coffee.

If I had to pick one thing from my world that I missed the most, excluding Komachi of course, MAX Coffee would definitely be that thing. Fuck any friends and family – again, except for Komachi (and also Totsuka)! MAX Coffee was always there for me! Whenever I needed another boost of energy to get me through the day, I could count on this yellow-and-black can of sugar and condensed milk with coffee mixed in to lift my spirits!

Oh, how I've missed you and you're sickeningly sweet taste, my dear MAX coffee! After all of these years of separation, I've finally returned to Chiba, so please, my dear, liberate my tongue from the everyday bitterness of this mundane existence!

"Um… Hikigaya-kun?" A (former) elf calling out to me breaks me out of my reverie, something I don't appreciate in the slightest. Oi, woman! Can't you see that I'm trying to have a moment here! Stop cutting in! You already had yours this morning! "What exactly is… that?"

Not knowing how to respond to the question being posed to me, I simply blink at the woman in front of me, before I suddenly remember where aforementioned woman came from. "Oh, this?" I ask, holding the can in my left hand a little higher in the air so she could get a better look at it. "This is a can of pre-prepared coffee." Balling my free hand into a fist, I use it to gesture towards the vending machine that I got it out of by lightly tapping on its clear plastic window with my knuckles. "This right here is what we call a 'vending machine'. Whoever owns it, typically it's whoever owns the land it sits on, pays to keep it stocked with a select variety of items and people in turn put money inside of it to get those items – just like how I did with this can."

The moment I got finished with my explanation, I began to wonder if what I said really registered with Lyon as she blinked at me before her head suddenly began to act as if it was on a swivel, constantly shifting between myself and aforementioned box of assorted soft drinks and canned coffees.

Eventually, the (former) waitress began to nod her head in understanding - a gesture that I didn't believe one bit, but I decided to shove it to back of my mind. The two of us had a lot more important things to discuss than the intricacies of how a vending machine worked. Besides, even I, someone who has spent most his entire life with the damn things around every corner, barely understood how they worked.

Sure, I may know the basics of how it operated, but that was effectively it. I didn't know a single thing about how the technology inside of it worked to make sure that my money eventually turned into a can of MAX coffee. That's the kind of stuff other people are paid to know so that I – the everyday, working class citizen – wouldn't have to.

"So, about what you wanted to ask me…" I trail off as I subconsciously lean against the vending machine next to me, taking a long sip of my MAX after doing so. Damn you, my time in Orario! You've made me so used to playing the mysterious sensei character that I physically can't keep myself from acting to my trope, despite being back in the real world! Do you even know cringey I must look to other people right now?! Fortunately, I had brought Lyon to the one vending machine in the school that I knew got the least business (the one that was closest to the spot in which I'd usually eat my lunch), so no one would be able to see me do so. "We're completely alone right now."

If I was talking to anybody else, I'd be concerned that the words that just came out from my mouth would be misconstrued to mean something else. Thankfully, I was talking to someone who absolutely loathed me and my existence, and had no such inclinations to do so like a certain, other elf I knew of – whose mind was so addled with trashy romantic novels, that I was sure her first thought would be something equally as trashy, which would then prompt her to call me a pervert or something.

Ah… The actions of a stuffy, secretly perverted himedere-type were so easy to call. I'm going to be miss being able to use that to my advantage to whenever we'd start verbally beating each other down. Now that I'm back to actually dealing with real life people and not trope-embodiments with, well, bodies, I'm going to have to start thinking about what I'm going to say again. Dammit. All my genre-savviness meant nothing now!

"Ah, right." With a nod, Lyon cupped her chin and entered a state of what I had to assume was thought, before casting her gaze to the area around her. After what I counted to be five seconds of aimless looking around, her deep blue eyes found me and her lips began to move once again, "Where exactly are we? How did we get here?"

…

"One moment I was by your bedside, taking care of you while you remained unconscious from your battle with the monster rex in Rivira and the next…" As she trails off, I can't help but raise the can in my hand to my lips and take sip out of it, as my shoulders suddenly started to feel much heavier than I remembered. Huh. That's odd. Last I checked, my school uniform wasn't enchanted with a limiter. Why does it suddenly feel so heavy? "…I wake up on the ground, here in front of this school. The only two things in my mind being that I needed to find you and a set of instructions I needed to follow if I wanted to do so."

"Lyon…" My mouth, being moved by the sort of empathy that can only be borne by having been in the same shoes as someone going through something terrible, acted on its own without thinking of what it should say after it, leaving me with all of her attention and nothing to say after it. Agh! What the hell are you hesitating for? You have all the answers! You could just explain to her what's going on and that'd be it! Man up and do it already! "I… This… Why you're here right now… It's all my fault. I'm sorry."

Ah, so that's it then? That's why you're hesitating? You feel responsible for dragging her into a mess that she had no part being in and causing within her all of the same emotions that you experienced those three years ago? That's bull and you know it! You know what'll really make her feel better about what's going on? Knowing that you understand what's going on and that the two of you aren't in a world that both of you have zero understanding about! Stop acting all melodramatic and talk to her so the two of you can come up with a solution! Don't let this real-life situation, with real-life people play out like a scene from a piece of work that can't create a natural conflict! You're better than that!

"Hikigaya-kun, what do you—?"

"—Do you remember how I always said that I was never originally from Orario?" There we go! Sheesh! You'd think the emotional side of a twenty year old man would be more to the point! "That I was from somewhere far, far away?"

The (former) elf blinked at me and I swear that I could see the very moment that she was able to put one and two together. "You… You're from here?" I nod my head. "So, that means…"

"Yeah… Again, I'm sorry."

For a while, silence reigned supreme between the both of us. Neither of us spoke. I did so because my emotional side was too guilt-ridden to allow our body to do so. I assumed that Lyon went quiet because she was still trying to figure out what all of that meant. That, or just flat out didn't know how to respond. It's not everyday when someone you've known for near three years suddenly declares that they're from an entirely different universe, after all. I could understand her being hesitant, or just too overwhelmed by everything to speak.

No matter how I saw them, the people in Orario still had feelings. They had hopes and dreams they wanted to fulfill; people they cared about and wanted to protect; and most importantly, no matter the circumstance, they had lives that they didn't want to be taken away from them with no explanation.

I know what it was like to be in her shoes, to have your entire life be ripped away from you without any sort of explanation, so I can't help but understand why the situation is playing out like it is. This wasn't borne from melodrama. No, this was completely and utterly human, to be expected – anyone in the same shoes, no matter how hardened, would react similarly.

"Hachiman…" At some point, Lyon had removed herself from directly in front of me and situated herself to my left, taking a page from my book and leaning her back against the faux glass display of the vending machine. "It's alright. I don't blame you for this."

"…Thank you, Ryuu."

Hey, look at that. For once, you actually managed to make a situation better than it was before, my emotional-side. Good job!

* * *

After what happened between Lyon and I during lunch break, the rest of my classes came and went smoothly as I remember, once again ending with a certain (former) elf slamming her forehead hard into her desk due to information overload. Having seen her behave in such a way already, I'm wasn't quick to get up and go check her condition. She was a grown woman, after all. A grown woman who used to go be a level-4 adventurer.

Of course, the rest of my classmates, not knowing this fact, didn't think the same way as I did and rushed to her side to provide aid. Unsurprisingly, a fair amount of them were male. Pft! What idiots! Are all you so blinded by your hormones that you don't realize that the tree you're barking up isn't even a tree? It's a goddamn cactus! Get away now while you still can!

"Wow, you're friend over there sure got real popular didn't she, Hikki?" If I was my old self, I probably would've said something along the lines of 'suddenly hearing Yuigahama's voice made me jump a little', or whatever, but I wasn't my old self. Far from it. I had noticed her approach long before she was even halfway to my desk. One of the perks of Conscientia Strennessum and being able to be take stock of every little thing that went on around me, all at once, I suppose. "Um… Hey, wait! Aren't you supposed to be giving her a tour—"

"—Ah, that's right isn't it, Hikigaya-kun?" Alright, now that made me jump in my seat a little. Seriously, woman?! I know that you're a level-4, but how the hell can you move from a desk surrounded on all sides by people, to my side without making a single noise? Are you just that naturally quiet or are my ears already beginning to fail on me at the age of twenty? "You are supposed to be doing that, aren't you? How about, for once in your life, you stop being your rotten self for a few minutes and do as you've promised?"

Huh? Why are you suddenly insulting me, Lyon? Did I do something in between the few seconds I looked away from you and toward Yuigahama to piss you off? If so, then I suggest you pull together some val— I mean, yen, and invest in some anger management courses. That trigger of yours is way too easy to fire, if you get what I'm saying.

"Oi, Lyon, were manners never taught in your household when you were a child? Can't you see that I'm talking to someone?" I don't hesitate to fire barbs back at the (former) elf, as I'm currently operating on the morale high ground, meaning that I had all of the power in this coming clash. "Wait your turn. I'll be with you in a bit."

"Ah, t-that's okay, Hikki!" Yuigahama suddenly exclaiming that drew the both of our attention towards the third member of our conversation, who I thought was going to remain silent while I reminded Lyon of how to be a courteous adult. Oi, Yuigahama, I know that you're just trying to keep the peace between the two of us by relenting in your want to speak to me, but you're doing me an even bigger disservice by stopping me from tearing her a new one! Read the mood, woman! "The two of us can just talk later at the room, right?"

"Yeah…" I trail off, grumbling a few select words under my breath in response to not being able to take advantage of the opportunity given to me as I do so. "Fine." I stand from my desk and turn towards Lyon, nudging my head towards the door. "Come on, go get your bags and things ready. I'd rather this not take forever."

My eyes can't help but notice the slight upturn on the (former) elf's lips as she turns around towards her desk – which was still surrounded on all sides by people, by the way. The females in said group just looked at her direction with confused looks and the males… Well, they were all glaring at me. I couldn't stop myself from chuckling to myself at the sight a bit, as I turn away from them and move toward Yuigahama. "Ah, sorry about—"

"D-don't worry about it, Hikki!" Uh, Yuigahama… Do you mind if I make a request? Could you please never wave your hands out in front of you like that again? I know that it's your go to response when you're embarrassed about something, but when you do that, my skill makes it so that my eyes are immediately drawn down towards the movement your hands make and that movement, in turn, makes a couple much more jiggly things move around, and those catch my attention. "I-I'll see you later! Okay?"

With that, the air-head escaped quickly out the room and into the hallway, probably moving towards the club room. Oi, you could at least wait for me to say 'bye' back before you run off, y'know? Why is everyone female I know acting so rude today?

…

Before I knew it, I had finished giving Lyon the 'tour' that I promised - a tour that consisted of the both of us wandering aimlessly around the school, talking about how we'd take things going forward, as a thirty minute lunch break period wasn't nearly enough time to do so.

To make a long story short, I gave her a brief explanation on how Japanese people tended to act, basically equating our behaviour to that of the elven people without the strange penchant for verbally beating one another up. More, of course, went into the explanation between the two cultures than just that, but going through what I talked about would take up too much time, considering I was moving as I thought.

After that, we then discussed where the (former) elf would be staying from this point on, as she, just like myself, was dumped into Orario with nothing but the clothes that the almighty being who sent us here gave to her (technically, she also had the school bag that was currently dangling from her shoulder, but that was filled with all of the textbooks Sobu required all of its students to have and nothing more than that), and had no place to stay. We quickly came to the agreement that she'd stay with me and my family, as I was sure that my family could easily take on another mouth to feed without too much trouble. Now, if they were going to know about said mouth to feed was another question entirely, as the question as to how receptive they would be to the idea was still unknown - our house did only have three bedrooms, after all, and all of them were currently occupied. She suggested that she get herself a paying job and rent her own place, but I quickly explained to her how that wouldn't work for a person like herself, as she was currently considered to be a minor by all society and Japan had laws that prohibited minors from working a certain amount of time while they were still attending school. Sure, she could work, but there was no way she'd be able to earn enough to pay for a place to live in with the hours they'd apportion her.

With all of the necessary explanations out of the way, I briefly went over a few more things on how to better fit in with Japanese society and ended my near half an hour-long 'tour', leaving with ample time to stay true to my earlier promise to Yuigahama.

Seeing that she was supposed to come with me to my house later on, I saw no trouble in bringing Lyon with me to aforementioned room and that brought the both of us to where we are now, walking down the hallway that I had walked so many times those three years ago. Once again, I allowed my feet to guide me to it.

…

"'Service Club'?" I couldn't see her due to me keeping my eyes firmly ahead of me, but I could tell from the inflection in her voice that her head was tilting slightly to the side. Oi, why are you still acting all cutesy to me, even when I can't physically see what you're doing? Are you seriously trying to tell me that's just how you act normally? I refuse to believe that! You're a bonafide killer of men, goddammit! I would genuinely appreciate it if you'd acted more like it!

"Yeah…" I say as I glance over in the (former) adventurer's direction and find that she was indeed doing as I thought, tilting her head to the side as she looked at me - a sight that made me smirk a bit under the cover of my muffler. Ha! Called it in one! "What we would do was listen to other students' problems and help them solve them in a way that wasn't just us handing it to them." I pulled one of my hands out from the pocket it was in, raised it so that it was level with my head and waved it around mockingly. "Teach a starving man to fish instead of giving him food, or whatever."

"Ah, I see." With that, the both of us fell into silence - something I really didn't mind as we've, specifically, I have been talking quite a lot the past half-hour or so, which wasn't something that I was used to at all with me being the quiet person that I am.

Eventually, after three or so more minutes of nothing but walking in silence, the two of us reached our destination. I could tell by how the panel over the door, stating the room's door number was covered with assorted, colorful stickers. Huh, I just realized something… I have no idea what any of them are supposed to mean. Yuigahama just started to put them up there at some point and I never saw fit to question it. I was too busy hating life to do so.

Now that I think about it, there were probably a lot of things that I just never realized due to my incessant need to believe my life was worse than it was. Not that I'm going to discount any of the hardships that my younger self has had to go through – they were all legitimate problems for a teenager to have – but after having gained a full three years perspective on them, I couldn't help but feel as though myself back then was just me being an immature idiot. Then again, I suppose that's just a thing that comes hand-in-hand with the act of growing up itself, huh?

Agh! What the hell am I doing?! Me, quit your damn brooding and save it for when you're at home, and in bed, will you? You promised Yuigahama that you'd come by and you just wasted two whole minutes standing here doing nothing! Pull yourself together, man!

…

Sigh. Alright, time to—

"—I'm telling you, it was so weird, Yukinon!" My body automatically stops itself in tracks when I hear Yuigahama's voice suddenly ring through the thin walls that separated clubroom from hallway. "The new girl and Hikki, they totally knew each other!"

"Ah, Y-Yuigahama-san…" Then, after the air-head's voice, came the surprised and hesitant voice of Sobu High's ice queen when she wasn't being so cold, "…w-what are you suddenly—?"

"The new girl I told you about earlier — Lyon-chan! She and Hikki are like, really, really close to one another! I can tell!"

"Um… Maybe you were just overthinking it? I'm sure that there was no way a cretin like Hikigaya-kun could have—"

"No, you don't understand, Yukinon! The moment he saw her, he got up from his desk and dragged her out into the hall so they could talk in private! He even held her hand!"

"Well, I'm sure—"

"Then, out in the hallway they were getting really serious! Hikki was saying 'sorry' to her for some reason and had his hand on her shoulder, and she was talking about how she was relieved to see him… They were even super close, too! Like, their chests were almost touching! She even called him by his first name!"

Wait, woah! Wait a second! How the hell did you even see that, woman?! Were you eavesdropping in our conversation or some—?!

"Ah, I'm sure there's an explanation for that, Yuigahama-san. We should just wait for Hikigaya-kun to get here like he promised and ask him—"

"Then after that, when lunch started, they started to do that thing you and Hikki usually do with one another! You know, being mean to each other a lot!"

"Huh? What do you—"

"Now that I think about it, she even sounds a lot like you too! I'm telling you it was so weird, Yukinon!"

"…Hey, Yuigahama-san."

"Y-Yes, Yukinon…?"

"Don't you think Hikigaya-kun should be finished giving his tour to Lyon-san, yet? You have his contact information, correct?"

Huh? Wait, Yukinoshita-san, why did you just ask that question?

"Ah, y-yeah! I do! Do you want me to call him?"

What?! No, Yuigahama! Please don't do that! Do you want me to die a horrible death, woman?!

"Yes, please do. I have several more questions I need to ask him now."

"Ah, alright, give me a sec!"

Shit, shit, shit! Can't let them know that I just heard all of that! Quickly! Need to use superhuman abilities to reach into pocket and put phone on silent before—!

—Brr… Brr… Brr~!

…

Dammit.

-Chapter End-


End file.
